Friday, September 11, 2009

i want to but i can't

Friday, June 5, 2009 at 12:22am

i thought about hearing your voice
wish somehow it would calm me down
to soothe the anger in my buried heart

but the anger is unbearable
it's ticking like a time bomb
ready to blow up anytime

i thought i could cry easily after all of these
wish somehow tears could wash away all the pain
to make me forget how it feels to be hurt

but the pain is too much
the tears won't even come
instead it drops on the pain inside my heart and burn with its saltiness

i thought being numb is the final way out
wish i could feel nothing
to ignore everything

but the numb has gone away
leave me hyperventilated
suffocated in pain

i want to run but these feet are too shaky
i want to cry but the tears refuse to come
i want to shout but my voice stuck in my throat
i want to not care about anything but my chest is beating fast in pain
i want to hate myself but i barely know me in this condition
i want to isolate myself but why do i feel lonely
i want to dissapear - don't think i could

i think i just curl up in a ball and try to cry to calm myself
if only i could......

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