Friday, August 6, 2010

life is hard, die is easier? think 100000000000000000 times before you say that.

one day i logged in to facebook
i was surprised when i saw the news feed at that time.
quite a number of people wrote similar status on their fb account

the status was like:


at that point i was like, "hmm maybe it's kinda right?" but i somehow felt quite disagree about that, somehow
but i did not really bother what made me disagree bout that sentence

until the next couple of days after i logged in, the very morning after i woke up
my dad asked me to accompany him to go to our cousin's funeral quite nearby our home
so i took a shower and got prepare and went with him to the funeral
well it was not really a funeral, it was a cremation actually

i surprised myself with that moment
because i usually quite reluctant about going to a funeral, unless it's a really close relative's funeral
because i usually get anxious everytime i step to a funeral or mortuary
my dad knows that better than i do usually
but yea i surprised myself at that time when i agreed to accompany him

so we arrived super early at the cremation site
the group came approx. 30 later after our arrival
so my father and i, whom arrived very early, took a seat and had chit chat about the dead person, his life etc.

well fyi this cremation site is very popular because of its architecture
it's pretty and does not have a creepy feeling like normal funeral home/cremation site
it's clean, pretty, calm, comfortable, and absolutely modern
so i was enjoying my time there

so while my dad and i walked around the cremation building, i saw a brochure, it was about the place
which is called, OASIS
i flipped the brochure and read through
curious about what's the place vision and mission, and hopefully could find some infos about the place
and i did
there was even the price list for the place, the rent of the cremation room, funeral home, ash shelter, etc.

and i was so shocked
i literary open my mouth widely
surprised with the nominal written there


seriously it's expensive

and ironically, we have to pay that super high amount for death, dead people.......

(great business i thought for a sec hahahahhaha)

i mean WOW!!!!

and i immediately recalled the status people wrote in facebook

life is hard, die is easier

and i just know
as a snap! life is hard but die isn't any easier.

seriously people think 1000000000000000000000000000000000 times when you think about suicide or killing people
think about the trouble ALIVE people should carry whenever their relatives die
die is not free as people often think it is!
die comes with greater responsibilities and of course money money money

you go to any place, it doesn't have to be OASIS
go to any place for burial, funeral home, cremation site
none of them is free of charge

lesson i really learned is we should really cherish our lives
no matter what
even if you face difficulties, burden, etc
no matter how hard it is, how difficult it is
there is no way being DEAD is the final answer or solution
no way!

think about people you'd leave behind
they have to carry your burden and also extra charge burden

seriously i begin to hate people who say that DIE IS EASIER
because it never gets any easier!

not even if you are alone in this world

it ain't easy at all!

at least when we die, we need to get buried or cremated

well unless you want to jump into the deep sea and get eaten by shark or stung by thousands of jellyfish (im not sure if it's deadly though hahaha)
or unless you go to somewhere unknown and let yourself be eaten by crocodile or anaconda HAHAHHAHA
i obviously won't choose that path to die
or maybe you'd like to go to amazon and get eaten by millions of piranhas


there is nothing easier than live our lives as if all burdens and problems are as light as feather
(makes me recall the scene in HORTON)

well the point is: be positive about everything! (:

timeless time.

it's kinda weird whenever i think that, you know, friends last forever?
but do they?
i mean, how should i put this......

it's like now, for example.
i graduated from school, ready to embrace so-called "earning and experiencing REAL life", life becomes so dull
it feels like i've been losing so many friends along the way, along the journey
well not literary.
but it just feels like it?
I wonder if it's like this for every person or is it just me?

some of my buddies are busy with school, some are busy with work, some are busy i don't know what they're doing, some are just disappeared.
weird isn't it?

how back then we used to hang out together because we were bounded by certain common.
for example, first year of uni, we spent our times together because we wanted to share our stories and experiences in our different places.
we were bounded by it.

and now some are still in school, some are just graduated, some are working, and some are just plain jobless-busyless (yea my own word) like me HAHAHAHAHHAHA
now it feels like i laugh pathetically bout myself for being busyless.

and now life feels so dull, well not fully dull, but it's just dull.
dull in a way that i can't just call a friend and ask them to hang out with me right away, i mean i should at least "book" them couple days/weeks/months prior to the event wth.
then other thing is that, i myself is free all the time, but not with the rest of my friends

and now i spent 4 years abroad, away from almost every friend i have - let's say i was "isolated" in a way that i separated from them whom i usually befriend with - and now i am back to my hometown, it feels like i'm some kind of alien

i barely know what's happening here
what's happening with my friends, my best friends
i feel like i am totally alienated by...........myself?????

yes i'm writing this as a form of protest, but whom am i protesting?
what am i protesting?
while along the journey i was alone - with new buddies abroad - whom i don't find them here in my hometown, none of them are here
so who am i shouting at?
i simply shouting in my own mind, silently.

almost frustrated, no-not yet.
almost gone mad, i don't think i'm capable of.
angry, no don't think so.
sad, probably.
pathetic about myself, begin to.

i literary want to scratch wall due to this madness..... well i probably should do that, hoping that it'd ease the anxiety HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

maybe i simply am lonely ):
maybe i simply miss my friends, my best friends the most
maybe i simply miss hanging out with people who used to be there for me
maybe i simply am losing the presence of friendship
maybe i simply want to share laughter again
maybe i just want to laugh happily with them again

and maybe, i should stop being so pathetic bout myself
maybe i should go watch the last airbender tonight, yes maybe.......
maybe i should do things i want to do now, put aside these weird feelings
keep it until i meet my best friend, one by one i would love to knock their head with my knuckles and tell them how cruel and mean and bad they are right now to me! ):

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

that time of the year.


Another year
has come and gone again
look around
and think where have you been
trace the lines
on your face tonight
and don't forget
that this will pass in time

It's cold out this morning
you should be getting into bed
can't believe its that time
of year again

Curled up tight
a darker shade of white
thinking back could be
here for a while

Its cold out this morning
and it's getting harder to pretend
can't believe it's that
time of year again

Can you believe the life you led?
did you achieve the goals you set?
did you lose your mind?
now and then

Is there a reason you won't mend?
it is a season that won't end
can't believe its that
time of year again

Another year
has come and gone again
look around
and wonder what happened

It's cold out this morning
you should be getting into bed
can't believe its that time
of year again

We're fresh out of warnings
maybe it's time you called a friend
forget that it's that time
of year again

Forget that it's that time
of year again

i've been loving this song ever since i heard it for the first time from ncis' clip on tv
but nonetheless i was just up to search for the lyric just today hahahahahahahahhaa
and mannn.... the lyric is awesome
though it's about something deals with depression, i somehow can link it to a usual ordinary situation happens in anyone's life everyday (or shall i mean my own everyday life ever since i finished my study? hahaha)

for me everyday is not anymore a usual holiday i had back then when i was in school
i mean "holiday" when i had school breaks and went back to home country to ENJOY my free time
now on i am free everyday and it does not feel the same as i thought i would feel when i am free
it sucks

yep it sucks

everyday i wake up, go downstairs have a breakfast while watching tv, put the dirty dish and back on couch and watch tv all day long and all of sudden it's already late in the night where i should take a shower and back on couch and watch movie til it's bed time

though on the other day i sometimes hang out with friends or have some activities

but still, it sucks

like something is missing
there's no longer hectic mornings where i oversleep and late for school and i have to run to the bus stop
or where i run cross the traffic light to get a taxi for school

hahahaha oh boy i miss those moments i really do!

some people see school as a terrifying place, or just a place to get a degree or whatsoever
i don't think so seriously school is the best place on earth that you ever landed on
(okay minus all the bad things happened back then, all bullies, and other silly suck things happened, nevertheless school was fun!)
well at least, my school back the was a rock
fine arts faculty is the best thing i have ever done in my life, if i had not followed my passion, i would have not felt this way ever.. i don't think so

it's not about the degree that i pursued
it's not about the hectic days when deadlines for projects were so close
it's not about sleepless nights i had back then
it's not merely about friends and best friends
it's not only bout the lecturers
it's not about every opening nights we often had and attended with all wines and snacks and networkings
it's not about bloody projects
it's all about the memories and funs we had back then
it's priceless and treasurable

it's something that we can't undo
it's the essence of ever being in that time of the year, that will never disappear for the rest of my life

well btw speaking of school
last night i had dinner with davin at benton, we suddenly he suddenly craved for kfc chicken so we went there to grabbed a quite late dinner hahahaha
but it's kinda fun since we really seldom go to fast food restos and eat there
while we were eating, we were reminiscing some silly events and stuffs while we were in elementary school
which i suddenly jumped into an interesting idea.....

that do we people ever recognize that for our lives, we are always wanting to get as many networking as we can?
i mean i remembered back when i was in elementary school, the most trendiest thing we used to do is distributing a diary book to be filled by most of our friends
the idea is to get as many people write in that book as possible
then what's interesting is, i thought it's a form of social networking we have nowadays such as facebook!
imagine since we were super young and small we already dealt with this kind of social networking issues
well though back then it was limited as we only distributed the diary book among our classmates in school, or if you were lucky and popular enough you could get students from other school(s) to write in it, though it would not make sense since people would easily read everything you wrote in that book hahahahahha
because usually when we distributed the book to someone, we expected the book to be overnight in that someone's place, the idea is to give time for that person to write complex (so called) stuffs in that book or to paste some stickers in it to make the page cooler than the others(i guess it's like a present/gift you can send in facebook)

i wow myself with this finding HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH *smug*

well, i gotta go now, i'm super hungry and gonna grab some foods now