Saturday, October 27, 2012

Lingering with impossibility.

I just want someone who i can call on my own.
Who is crazily enough just to stay awake with me all night.
Who is strong enough, to just constantly and patiently hugging me all night long, giving me affection, loving me without expecting me to do the same.
I want someone who knows me too well, even he knows what i am about to say before i do say it.
I want someone who is willingly wait and smile outside my house during pouring rain just to see me.
I want someone who thinks everyday is like the last chance for him to see me, to be with me. So that he never gets tired loving me.
I want someone who doesn't acknowledge the word "tired", "sleepy", "sick".
I want someone who always adores me even there are so many beautiful girls before me.
I want someone who always looks in me in the eyes each time he sees me, with that exact same sparkle in his eyes.
I want someone who never gets tired to bear with my stupidity, stubbornness, and emotions.
I want someone who knows that i am madly in love with him and always smiles whenever he remembers that.
I want someone who holds me in his arms whenever i am about to run away.
I want someone who pull me closer whenever i walk away.
I want someone who sits silently beside me whenever i don't feel like talking at all. And then he smiles at me and loves me with his soothing eyes, tells me "everything is gonna be alright"
I want someone who is not afraid to touch me even when i am mad. Really mad.
I want someone who knows exactly what he is doing, so surely, that he doesn't lose his direction to walk with me.
I want someone who understands the meaning behind my words.
I want someone who sings me lullaby every night and makes me smile, then closes my day by saying "goodnight, gorgeous. You are loved"
I want someone, who can show me, no, who loves me, with all his might with everything he does.
I don't have to question it.
I don't have to struggle with disbelieve or doubts.
I want someone who is, by just holding my hands, can tell his feelings.
I want someone who always wants me, without me saying it out loud.
I want someone who won't make me feel unwanted, not once.
I want someone who knows he is different and makes me feel it.
I want someone who stays awake just to see me, just to look at me, just to adore me, just to make me feel comfortable, at all cost.

But is it even possible?
Am i asking too much?
What if i just ask for love. No, ask for someone who makes me feel loved?
Is it possible then?

Do you, ever?

Do you ever wonder, how sometimes you wish there is such thing called phase one of love exists forever?
Phase one is where everything is beautiful and happy, where all goodness belongs, and there is no tear to be shed.
No arguments.
No fights.
No shouting at each other.
No headaches.

Some say that love takes its better state when two get into argument and solve things out. But really, is it necessary?
When all of those silly arguments happen, exactly at the time where everything is so comfortable, when two are in the most comfortable state.

What i see in my perspective is that comfort zone is such a big bullshit.
It's just a gate to something called "taking for granted".
It's just reason created to say that "hey now that i am fairly sure you'd stay and i am so damn comfortable with you, now i can take you for granted, now i can do things i have been struggled to resist lately" in other word, it's just reason for people to change but not be able to admit that they're changed and it's time when all goodness comes to an end.

That's why there is a saying: all good times come to an end.

But can we really have, create a relationship that stays in phase pne until forever?
I doubt it though.

Phase one.
Is those times when we begin as strangers, getting to know each other. No, we want to know each other so much that we listen to every single detail, and magically everything sticks to the mind. (What an amazing human brain ability)

Is those times, when everything the other person does is amazing, cute, adorable, magically beautiful, and so on. Whatever it is, pretty in the eyes and thought. Which, later on suddenly disappear or even there is a probability of getting high and dry.

Is those times when arguments seem so far far away, like almost unreachable (no, it really is deceiving) 

Is those times when you stay up late, really late just to hear their voices.
Just to understand even more, just to bear with it, just to embrace all happiness just by doing so.
Crazy until morning telephone calls, laughing all night long, giggling, amazed, wondering how lovable that person is.
Which one day will all be disappeared. As if that thing never exists in the first place.

Is those times when every text message is like letter from heaven. Can easily be enlightening a super tough shitty day.

Is those times when everything is being done just to see their faces, just to meet them, just to be with them. 
It's like you're being zombie; you don't feel sleepiness, don't feel sickness, don't feel fatigue, don't need sleep, eat, or even tired means nothing at all. It's like everyday is the last day of getting a chance to see them.
Make a very good use of each day!
Which one day will definitely become boredom, routine, and just a compulsory needs. (Yeah... Tiring. I know)

Is those times when every love songs mean everything, mean a lot, and mean the world of our own. You don't even need a radio, those love songs rewinding continuously in your head. (An amazing brain ability, once again)

Is those times when hugging is addicting.

Is those times when all sweet words dancing around.

Is those times when you don't remember that there are millions of other people exist. World belongs to both of you.

Is those times when there is no ego or selfishness. As if both of you are saints. Pure and need no earthy needs. What an angel!

Is those times when waiting is the hardest thing to do, oh yeah you hate ticking clock! It only reminds you of how long you really have to wait until the next time you get to see the other person. Oh yes, i know how devastating it could be. Ad how awful it makes you.

Is those times when "i love you" is the best 3 words in the world. It's like alien language that you become amazed whenever you hear or say it. You can't stop smiling about it.

Is those times when there is only BOTH OF US.

Ever wondered where did all of those goodness go?
Is there a really bad monster that eats all of those goodness?
And when you try to recreate it, you wonder why it doesn't feel the same, why doesn't it feel right?

Because the two of you are no longer the same persons you used to be.
And you begin to hate the changes.

You begin to think, where is this person i loved the most?
Why do you stop trying?
Wondering do you still love me?
Wondering is the love getting lesser?
Is there such thing as losing the feeling you used to have?
I mean is it possible?

Is it true that love can disappear slowly, or is it never really that strong in the beginning?
Is everything you felt in phase one merely illusions?
Is everything ever coming back?
Will you ever feel those goodness again?

Love never is complicated. People are.