Friday, June 17, 2011

.....and after all

it always goes like this:

you are busy with projects and loads of work
i can handle it

you are unintentionally ignoring some of my drama
i can understand it

you pretend like we never are close
i can totally accept it
i know your reason and i appreciate it

you act like there is nothing between us
i can bear with it

you talk to me like we are just friends
i do not mind

you say you miss me and are afraid to lose me
but in the end it is always me whom you ignore
in the end i chase after you for nothing in return
i do try to understand it

i am not part of any of your life story
you don't tell your problems
just because you think you would cause me burden
i totally understand it

but........ after all
after you have been ignoring me saying "i miss you"
saying "i wanna hug you"
saying "i love you"
and still you can say such thing echoes in my mind
even it was just some kind of joke
my heart was cut open wider
and how sorry you were doesn't mean anything right now

i just want to be happy
i just want you to be like you used to
i just want to be loved
i just want to be given affection
i just want you to care for me just a little while, a little bit
i just want you to stop hurting me...........

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


it's the unpredictable you that charms me so much, probably
who knows someone so out of reach can be so close?
who knows someone so authentically different can have so much in common?
someone so far away, so upside down from what my world is
someone i never expect i could be with
someone i have been adoring so much along these times
now is holding my hand, hugging me tight, knowing me so well
more than anybody else

i am amazed, i am taken back
by all of your sensitivity and your way of making me feel complete
i am thankful in between thorns
i can't differ the pain and the love
i guess both are inseparable
i think both are bounded to each other
i can feel you

but i'm scared to let things go
if you complete me so much why can't you banish all my insecurities?
why can't you make me feel like i own everything when i'm with you?

or is it me who never try to choose my own path while i keep on hurting everybody else?
i just want to be happy
can i not hurt other people?

sing night.

the sky sings the lullaby
dosgs are sleeping, cats are sleeping
glimpse of night lights into the chamber
even the wind falls asleep

the night is still and sound
a perfect mate for the silent little eyes
stars and moon take over
a melody of nightingale takes me away, locked in the dream~

the color of ash cloud the sky
little blink of small bright dot peeks from behind the gloomy cloud
the air sings serenade as i fall asleep

parting goodbye isn't my favorite thing at the end of our day
as i laid my head upon your neck you whispered "good night" and i smiled........

you're still my favorite precious treasure
simply unforgettable yet tangling the existence of mamihlapinatapais between us
it gets harder to not holding you tighter~

he is a boy and i am a girl.

you like the loud and shattering songs
rocking your style
hit and go

i like sweet mellow melody
absorbing every moment
sit and stare

you always say i disturb you so much with the question WHY
i say you never listen to what i say and i keep asking WHY

you say i'm cute with how funny i look when i react to something
you say i'm cute when i act stupid because of something i don't get
i say you're cute with the way you act so sweet
i say you're cute when you say sweet things to me

you hold me close
i whisper "don't go"

you hug me tight
i hug you even closer

you hold my hand
i look into your eyes and smile

you look at me and can't resist to smile
i look at you and i laugh instantly
then we laugh together

isn't it sweet?
isn't it lovely?

we enjoy our moments together

even though sometimes you ignore me
even sometimes you turn your back on me
and i sometimes stand still to stare at you, how could you often do the silence treatment on me
and i sometimes chase after you just to hug you close
no matter how you push me away
or how you walk away

i love you

that's one thing for sure

but then i ask myself, for what does it take i would stay?
for what sake would i stand still?

i constantly remind myself, who am i to ask you for more
and you once said, you wouldn't have any right to give me more
i constantly forget how incapable i am to demand for something
and you once said, you are out of the league partially
i constantly resist myself for showing too much
and you once said, you merely nobody to do the same
i constantly prevent myself from holding you too close, or to think bad stuffs about you, and any other stupid silly probabilities
and you once said, you said it already
and you once said, you don't like drama

but what can i do when i want 100% from you
when i give 110% out of me for you

but then i remember i once said: i will never leave you

and that time i was so sure, yet still I AM...................

i want everything of you
and willingly am giving everything of i am
no pretending
no lies
no concealing
no hiding
no more

but i am afraid
so much
too much

♪ Maroon 5 - Never Gonna Leave This Bed

Sunday, June 5, 2011


curriculum vi·tae  (vt, vt, wt)
n. pl. curricula vitae Abbr. CV
A summary of one's education, professional history, and job qualifications, as for a prospective employer.
jadi apa sih curriculum vitae (CV) sebenernya?
klo menurut gue, CV itu simply a right tool to show off your abilities and things you've successfully done in your entire life
ibarat benda, CV itu piala yang berjejer di rumah, piagam penghargaan, dan medali 

dari urusan sekolah sampe kerjaan seumur hidup semua ada di CV
tapi apa berarti sebuah CV harus menampung atau menunjukkan SEMUANYA?
define the EVERYTHING.....

everything in your CV doesn't mean every single little things you achieve in life
who cares your height or weight when you apply for a job position in a gallery of museum (i'm talking about art industry) or if you apply for a job position in an office where you need no physical appearance requirements?

i don't know how here in Indonesia people are required to input in their CV
but in my education knowledge, so far in art industry, the best CV is one with the most creative look and contents
what matters is your CONTENT
meaning that no matter how pretty or tall you are, how slim you are or how big you are, if you are suck in the field, you're out of the game instantly
 but again, to show off doesn't mean you go all the way showing off everything: your ballet class when you were toddler, your camping experience, your scout experience
see what you apply for
if it's necessarily needed, then add it on, if it's not, then put it aside
you show only what is related to the job position/field you apply

if i were the human resource staff in art industry, looking for an emerging artist for an exhibition, checking, listing every single CV (millions or hundreds per day)
i don't bother long useless CV contain list of ballet experience or swimming championship experience
i'd definitely be throwing those kinds of CV to a pile of used papers in the bin

i keep editing my CV throughout these times
i change it whenever necessary
when i apply to certain job, i edit it, change it, manage it, customize it so i can fit the position
so i perfectly show my strong points
that's how it works!
and i never fail a single one

and that's how i make use of my education back in Lasalle, on how creating a good CV
how about you?