Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Marriage Life 101!


My last post was in April 2015, in which I was already engaged and preparing my wedding and now I am married (officially and finally).

What is the big deal of getting married anyway?
Why marriage seems like the last destination in people's head when we are getting older?
Is it really the last destination?
Is it true when people say marriage is like you are losing your freedom and yourself?
Because you are no longer a single human being, but two becomes one?
Is it true when men are so afraid with the commitment, thus they are afraid of marriage?
Is it true when people are so scared of getting married equals to commitment issue?
Well I am no expert, my marriage has been just 8 months old, but so much I have learned, so much I have changed along these past 8 months.

Many people ask me, by many I mean MOST PEOPLE, ask me how does life after marriage?
Well to me, life does not change that much.
I am still me, the old me, do things I do daily: work, play, have fun, go out with friends.
The differences are just: ring on my finger, wake up and go to bed with a man in my bed (which is pretty bizarre since I spent almost 27 years of my life sleeping alone), I have to do house chores more since I moved out from my parent's house, and I am a happier woman (: (oh should I count that I do laundry for men clothes now?)
The rest of my life is pretty much the same, we go out on dates, we shop groceries together, we go out for dinner, and we still go out to mall or other places walking hand in hand.
The other things that are new to me are: people questioning when will I be expecting, when I am not with my husband people ask where is he and why did not he come with me, and another common one is where do we stay right now.

To me, first few months were another level of hell.
Why so?
I do not know about other married couples, but we fought a lot and most issues were silly stuffs.
Mostly I think it was adaptation phase between two human beings with two different (family) backgrounds or lifestyles.
Like how my husband used to let the exhaust/bathroom light on.
To me it is a big NO since I am an energy saving freak.
I would say it used to be a trigger, or an initial issue that overlapped with another.
Like a snowball, things turned worse and we met hardship, thus we shout to each other and made things even worse.
But then we carried something from our dating phase relationship, one thing that we will never throw away; our ability to addressing elephant in the room and find solution.
I think it is our strong suit as a couple, no matter what we never want to go to bed mad to each other.
And we always remember our wedding vow, no matter what we are one and we shall walk together until the end of time.
Cliche as it sounds, to me, it is the key to a healthy and strong relationship. Married or not just yet.

What's hard for me is to adapt how to stay mad with the person who annoys you nearby.
Well our house is so small that even when you stay inside bedroom and he is outside, you can hear his breathing and when you are mad, believe me, his presence is the most annoying thing in the world at that very moment and I am tortured.
I cannot think clear and I cannot calm myself.
Then you have to deal with household, like cooking for the two of you.
What happens when you cook while you mad?
Well bad things happen.
Slowly but sure, I manage to adjust and manage myself to adapt with the situation.
Well we must take baby steps until we are full grown, right?

There was time when I thought I could not take anything anymore.
We fought constantly for days, continuously. Nonstop.
I am tired. He is tired.
I am overwhelmed with stuffs.
He is overworked himself.
We fight.
I am tired of explaining myself and expecting him to understand.
He is tired hearing my shouting voice and reluctant to make amend.
Well basically love turns into war.
I wanted to run away.
I wanted to say it is over.
I wanted to say how I hate this man so much.
I wanted to give up.
But then I realised one thing.
We get married, not to become somebody else we were not.
Not to become someone that our loved one likes or wants.
Not to lose ourselves.
Not to lose our freedom.
Not to lose parts of ourselves.
And most importantly not to lose our life.
We decide to get married because we love that special one and we want to share our life, our love with them.
To raise a family.
To build a home.
And most certain not to lose our freedom to live life we want, because we choose to stay our relationship and to move it further.
When we are married, we are not bound by our wedding vows.
Not be bound by our religion rules --til death do us part.
Not to be bound by a piece of marriage certificate.
Not to be bound by these rings.
When we are married, we have option, we have freedom, we have chance to run away or stay, to walk away alone or move forward together.
When we are married, we still have choice to stay or go, but we choose to stay, because we want to fight for whatever we initially started.

When people say their lives are taken away because of marriage or their spouse or their kids, I can safely say, they are jerks.
You chose your love in the first place, what makes you think somebody done you wrong and turn your life around, when you, yourself, was aware with your own choice.
That kind of bullshit, I often hear, people regret their decision.
Well, suck it up because you play the game without knowing the rules and judge the game is bad because you are suck at it. Or blame the other players.
To me personally, the key is to understand, some things are meant to be accepted, not understood.
Reflect to yourself and talk. Communication is your bff.
As my husband always say, happy wife, happy life.
True to that, happy husband = happy wife = happy life (:
Make each other happy, it is a never-ending effort. Lifetime.