Wednesday, August 31, 2011

it is PRESENT that counts.

If Only

If only there were more time, some say,
     heading a long list of regrets.
If only there could be more healing,
     more rectification,
     more love.

As if what could happen in the future or didn't happen in the past
     is more powerful than what is happening right now.

What can we do about the past?
Where is the past now?
And what about the future?
How can we do anything about that
     which doesn't yet exist?

If all you have is right now,
     why waste precious moments feeling regret?

If you've got something to say, say it now!
If you want more rectification, rectify now!
Of you want more love, love now!
Carol Orsbon

Thursday, August 18, 2011

hello stranger, how are you?

Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak

i really don't know what is worst:
trying to live with you but we're like never met each other and like nothing happened but then i can still keep in touch with you


trying to live without you and pretend like i don't feel the pain

everything seems like worst options ever
you know, i really wish you could just knock on my door again
and say "let's start all over again"

i promise i'll be good
i promise i'll be everything you need, everything you want
everything you want someone in your life to be

i promise i will bear all the pain
i promise i won't nag you
i promise i won't let you down
i promise i won't disturb your life
i promise i will be the one you can be proud of

living without you is hard
but living without you, pretending like i am okay, pretending like nothing ever happened, pretending like we never shared moments, memories, laughters, tears is even harder

there was a distance
there was

Eye to eye
Cheek to cheek
Side by side
You were sleeping next to me
Arm in arm
Dusk to dawn
With the curtains drawn
And a little last night on these sheets
So, how come when I reach out my fingers 
It seems like more than distance between us

but then to think about it, i think i could better bear it
than living my life like this
i'm screwed
i'm way more screwed than i ever was before

i used to be so crushed
now i am way stronger
but it appears like i am faking everything
i cannot even get the numb feeling
do i love you THIS much?
so why can't i make you feel it?
if love is so strong then why can't i make you turn around and look me in the eyes
if love is so strong then why can't we try from the scratch
so am i that worst for you?
so am i that awful in your eyes?
so am i that horrible in your mind?

i just want to make you feel how i feel.....
just to make you understand how i love you so much....

so hello stranger, how are you?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

don't you remember?

i really never ever thought that i would ever feel this kind of feeling again
i mean..... i thought i was smarter, tougher, wiser
i thought everything was perfect
i thought everything was under control

but then it appears it did not
it never was in my control
i was in control of what i have been doing

it is as if i am the one who was saying the final goodbye
i did
i said goodbye

i said i need my time

but i never thought that i actually am in love with you

funny thing i never once begged you to stay
not in a blunt direct sentence
but i wish we could just stay together

i have a determination to make you happy
but it appears you do not bother being happy

i have a will to try, to change, to be a better person that you can love
but it appears you just do not care

you said i tend to nag
i tend to expect more from you
i tend to not saying things i want directly
i tend to not fit you
i tend too much for you

so is it me who cannot handle you
or you are too afraid to handle me?

i really want you, i really do
i really want to make you happy

like we said in the first place,
like i said, "I just want to seek happiness in you, what's wrong in that"
and you said you wanted the same way
and so we tried again

everything seemed so alright

i never expected this coming

just to be honest with you i feel so devastated
i feel so ruined
i feel so desperately need you back

i dream of you, often times
i think of you, endlessly
i think about chance i did not take
chance i did not do
chance i did not offer
but then everything is over now

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head

i talk like you
i start to think like you
i stalk you
i check everything about you
i behave like you
i listen to your favorite music
i tune in everything you do
i am a complete fool for you

while i struggle to move on
you seem so happily peacefully living your life

i am happy for you
i really am

it's good that you seem so happy now

i am just sad.....
sad that i no longer am part of your life
sad that we cannot talk like we used to
sad that things go so awkward between us
sad that this sucks so much that i just want to run away
sad that i just do not know you anymore

But don't you remember? Don't you remember? The reason you left me before. Baby, please remember me once more
Gave you the space so you could breathe, I kept my distance so you would be free and hope that you find the missing piece,

To bring you back to me,
Why don't you remember? Don't your remember? The reason you left me before. Baby, please remember me once more

When will I see you again