Tuesday, October 26, 2010

breads talk.

clay&watercolor paints


it's funny how most of the time
some people
just some

talking out loud about the goodness and kindness of someone they just met or knew
about how great that someone is
about how nice that someone is to them
talking gratefully like they world only survive if it's revolving around that someone

and then look back to where they belong
old friendship?
people whom care from the core of their hearts?

where are those people in your heart?
in your world?
in your mind?
in your prayer?
where are they?

isn't it ironic?
when you are supposed to be telling goodness of your own closest beloved people, instead you are forgetting them, criticizing them, searching and pointing their mistakes and badness
how is that making any sense?

family is like the biggest, warmest tree we have in this crazy world
it is like a shield from all flaws we have from being exposed to the entire crazy world where we might be rejected one day if we couldn't fit in anymore
or when crazy world is just too difficult to be reached

as for me

my father is the biggest warmest tree trunk
my mother is the root that keeps me alive, she is my life supports even though she fails me sometimes
but it is okay, still they are my biggest shelter
you see..
no matter, doesn't matter how many times my family fail me, hurt me, unintentionally
just because we are humans, we have flaws
and that's a family for, covering our weaknesses and flaws so we look great in society

and how is that making someone so pathetically deserting their own family for strangers, for something might not even greater than the precious family bond?
God knows, i believe He knows, He understands that the real goodness comes from the real core of someone's life: family
God grants our first encountering with the warmest strangers ever, which is family
so why, why some people just can't understand that they can, once twice or many times in their life, forgetting what made them throughout their entire life.
really, no matter how bad your family treat you, or maybe sometimes they forget to show their love
or maybe they are really mean according to you
think back, look back....
isn't there a tiny part of your memories that consists of goodness in belonging to your own family
and to take note, family isn't merely your father, your mother, or your siblings
family is the unison of different people in your life
brother, sister, grandfather, grandmother, cousins
you name it!
it still is a family

and i am feeling sorry for people who, just because their family did not treat them so well or once in a while their family forgot to show the love, or unintentionally hurt them, these people become so ignorant and keep telling the worst stories of their own family

no wonder the world is crazy!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

lalala ♪

recent tracks i have been listening over and over again since like months ago
it is just not like me to not updating my playlist
partially because my ipod's earphone is spoiled
so i seldom updating or even listening to music recently

and now i am missing it
so i am starting to update, download, and buy cd hahaha!!



Tuesday, October 19, 2010


i have posted some of blogs that have been stayed in draft section all these times (when i was so lazy to edit/complete)

so i will be posting more of drafts in the future
every post that was a draft before will have original date on bottom right

not necessary related to what i feel/think at the moment i post it~
but i hope you will still be able to enjoy, dear reader
would you think of me?
February 23, 2008 ·

Will I be worthy enough for you?
Will I be able to light your darkest part shines so brightly?
Will I be the one whom you look for when you’re lost?
Will I be the only person whom you think of every night just before you sleep?
Will you hold me close and tight when I’m about to say goodbye?
Will you keep me in your heart if I’m about to go?
Will you stop me from leaving you behind?
Will you pull me close when I start walking away?
Will you stand beside me and look me in the eyes?
Will you be able to stop me when I’m running from you?
Will you catch me when I fall?
Will you run after me when I run away?
Will I be the one who make you believe that love brings happiness?
Will I be the one who give love to you?
Will you make me stay forever by your side?
Or will you let me off?
Just like nothing happened between us?
Just like we were not meant to be?
Just like strangers?
I think about what you may think about me
I do
everything I want you do to me
But I guess it’s never been enough
I am
still alone
Alone by myself
So tell me what’s the difference between
unwanted and abandoned?
What’s the difference between being alone and
I guess there’s no difference being me and us
Coz to me, they do
the same
With or without you
I feel empty, unwanted, alone…
Want me
like you want me to want you
Stop me when I’m about leaving you
Run after
me when I’m trying to escape from your love
And hold me close when I say
That’s all that I want…
No less or more

dimana moral manusia jaman sekarang?

kemaren ini baru aja pulang ke indonesia lagi...

all i can say is WOW......

WOW untuk banyaknya kasus2 video mesum artis yang notabene ternyata karena semata artis itu kehilangan hard disk/laptop (?) nya...

WOW untuk kasus temen gue yang bb nya ilang (juga)...

WOW untuk temen gue juga yang ampir kecopetan

WOW untuk pembicaraan sama bokap yang membahas jaman sekarang manusia hampir ga punya moral dan etika karena barang milik orang lain udah bukan lagi milik orang tersebut melainkan milik KHALAYAK RAMAI a.K.a tukang copet.

but i come to a conclusion whereby i feel that nowadays money seems to be the BIGGEST issue in our society
the lack of morality and etiquette, and obviously education has led several cases (crime cases) to a conclusion that money becomes the main problem in our surroundings..

but what makes it so ironic is that, instead of making themselves a better individuals, people who steal and do crimes, are just making themselves into rubbish and worst by doing so

bukan bersikap naif untuk bilang kalau uang itu bukan apa2 di jaman ini..
semua2 butuh uang...
dari yang namanya lahir, sekolah, lulus2an, kawinan, sampe mati aja butuh duit...
kencing aje butuh duit......

last modified 6/10/10

busy (not) day


i am (again) writing this in my bed
i am devastated in my tiredness ha!

i left home at around 1 or 2 pm then i just got home few mins ago

i accompanied someone around town and headed to gym until dinner time, had dinner and went around city

i am extremely exhausted...

but it is always fun to know someone's life and daily activity
i mean it is an eye opening experience to know something new


my golden retriever is still a picky eater

it has been difficult to make him eat his dog food alone without any "side dish"
i have been trying to mix the dry dog food with canned wet dog food but he didn't like it at all
then i tried milk, after some times he got bored
i tried baby's foods, he also got bored

i tried to mix it with fruits n veggies (now he is a vegetarian canine since he was diagnosed with hypo allergic to meats), he then got bored as well

now it seems like besides a picky eater, he also is an easily get bored dog *sigh

so today i came up with great(est) idea after all these times *evil laugh*

so what did i do to the problem?

i did not cook a homemade food
i did not give him meat (i am not that despo, yet)
i did not give him human food (which he likes the most)


i mashed his dry dog food with blender
i mixed it with hot water, milk, and baby's foods
mixed together and baked it!

he was in love with it because it is crunchy and smellllllllsssssssssssssss damn good (fyi i used the tutti fruity baby's foods)

i guess my dog kinda hate the smell of his dry dog food
it does smell horrible hahahahahahahahahahaahahhahah
maybe i should switch to salmon flavor next time
his one is beef flavor and it smells strong

here's the recipe:
- 3 cups dry dog food (this is the portion i usually give my dog, it really depends on your dog's portion), use blender to mash the dog food
- 1 cup hot water
- 1/2 cup milk powder
- 1 cup baby's foods (i use the powder one) any flavor

mix all ingredients together until it becomes sticky (it is like cookie dough), put into a baking tray, put into the already heated oven (250 ºC for 15 mins) for 50mins, 250 ºC or until it becomes brown in color and crispy
let it cool down and serve it to your beloved dog

good night! (:

beautiful chaos

little paws
so it started sunday afternoon
when my cousins brought the two little puppies to my house
basically i was asked by my aunt to take care of the puppies for a week since she is away and she would take the puppies home with her once she comes back

but apparently i am in love with the puppies
i am in love too much
maybe because i love the way they trusted me with all my loves and affections

maybe that was the feeling of having own children

no words to describe how i feel everytime i wake up in the middle of every night to feed them, to put them to sleep, to accompany them playing
sleepy, obviously
tired, i am
fatigue is all i am having every single day

but it seemed like i always had spirit and energy to keep moving on and doing many things with them
watching them playing is heaven for me

call me crazy
but i love them so much
so much

until last saturday they were taken away
and i cried like hell
i cried because my heart was torn apart
because i was broken hearted
i felt the loss
i felt the pain
i was hurt

i once told a friend of mine
that when we are losing someone we love the most,
we basically do not miss their presence or their touch or whatsoever
it is the memory that we miss
that we realize there is no other way we could experience the same memories again with the same person
and it is hurting so bad
that it seems like we miss them, miss the presence
but do we really miss the presence or merely the memory?

really, you can forget someone
but a memory will exist forever
and that's why pain takes part

this is Heidi

and this is Furball, my beloved one
the situation in my house was like super chaos by the time the puppies arrived
my older dog, the dachshund was humping the puppies all the time for almost a week
and he was super cranky with my younger dog, the golden retriever


my dachshund was injured, his legs were badly injured, swollen, and minor cut and bleeding because he was forced to stay outside for the first night and apparently he was not sleeping at all
he kept scratching the doors (even the iron gate)
and howling all night long

result: entire house could not sleep well that night

then the next morning he could enter the house but of course he still refused to eat, drink, and sleep all day long
and i know exactly he was exhausted
his eyes were red
his nose and mouth were swollen as well as the legs

and by that time i had to take care 4 dogs everyday
i barely went out

i was totally exhausted

but in the night time things got worse
but it was where sweet moments were happened

apparently puppies were more active in night time compared to day time where they slept all day long

every night, i had to wake up every 2-4 hours
to feed them, let them play, peed, poo, and accompanied them until they fell asleep (again)
it went on and on and on

and then my golden retriever had to suffer from my cranky old dog
he had to stay either upstairs or backyard all day long
pity him ):

and he had trouble eating problem as well because i think he was stressed over the issue
moreover he was still under medication due to his food allergy and hotspot problems.

it was stressful and hectic
but i enjoyed every second of it
and i am grateful He gave me chance to use me as tool to give love for the puppies

these puppies are smart!
yes they are

they are quick learners and easily trained
if i could
if i had chance to do the training for them
i would die to do it!!!!!

one thing i hope the most is hopefully they will still remember and recognize me when i visit them one day, hopefully soon (:
and hopefully i won't cry when i say goodbye again

i miss feeding them, preparing meal for them )':
what i concern the most is whether they will be taken care as i did for them?
will they be healthy all the way?
i do hope so
i pray every night just to make sure God never stops protecting them and care for them
i love them God, please take care of them
that's all i'm asking for.

xoxo furball&heidi
i miss you baby girls~