angels in disguise.

hari ini ada cleaning up di space (as usual..)
i just realise that my stuffs were so massive. haha...

so i put everything in a box
but little did i know...........
box nya jebol bawahnya krn basah kena hujan...

my friend helped me carry my stuffs
and i had to drag myself to carry the heavy box with spoiled bottom part
and i struggled to keep it whole
until everything was spilled......

on my way to taxi stand, the box couldnt carry anything anymore..
to make things worse, when i was otw to taxi stand, the car passed by, inside the car, the indian man, staring at both of me n my friend, smiling, laughing, and his face looks mocking us..
wtf...

while i was cleaning up the mess in the middle of corridor in that shopping centre..
people passed us by, staring at us..
curious of what we were doing (wasnt it obvious enough?!)

and when i was thinking, how people could be so ignorant..
is there anyone in this world, kind enough to just ask me, "do you need a hand?"
instead of just staring and staring like i am a monkey in a circus...

someone helped me by giving a new box..
i was so amazed..
God wasnt an ignorant and He never be an ignorant
one second i thought this day is the worst day ever..
and the next second i know..
some people are "sent" to brighten and enlighten my rough day.. (:

then i walked to the taxi stand..
while i was busy protecting my stuffs from raindrops
gue ga ngeh kalo orang depan gue (lagi antri taxi di taxi stand) uda maju..
sampe aunty2 belakang gue nanya dengan betenya "ni yao bu yao!?" (mau antri/gk intinya)
i was like.. what the................
jelas2 keliatan gue bawa barang gitu dan antri depan dia..
sabar kenapa sih?
kenapa cuma berdiri beberapa cm dr antrian org di depan gue...
kenapa harus kek gitu...
and i realised again...
people are just so selfish and mean..

then i got a cab..
and again.. another angel in disguise..
sopir taxinya baik banget..
bantuin gue masukin smua barang ke trunknya..
(supir taxi sini biasa ga peduli lu mau repot masukin barang kek apa kek..)
and moreover it was raining...
sampe tempat gue..
sopir taxinya lagi2 bantuin gue nurunin smua barang carefully..
dan sampe bantu rapihin juga..
i was more than touched by those people's kindness..

once again He never ignores me.. i always know..
and He always knows exactly how to brighten and enlighten my rough and heavy days with nice people i believe He sent to me.. (:

love.

we often hear the word "love", almost every song we hear brings up this theme.
love love love......

but do we ever really fall in love?
if so, what is love?
what are the signs?
i dont know..
and i probably will never know...
but i know one thing for sure..

if what im feeling now is not love, then i don't know what it is called...

gue ga pernah ngerti dan bisa jelasin cinta itu apa..
but i often hear people blame love for whatever reason they have been through...
why blame love?
buat gue cinta ga pernah salah..
kenapa nyalahin cinta kalau lo jatuh cinta ma orang tapi cinta lo ditolak?
if you blame love then you know nothing bout love i suppose..

ga ada yang tau kapan kita jatuh cinta atau patah hati..
kalau tau juga gue rasa ga akan seru ni hidup. hahaha..

kalau misalnya dari kita lahir, kita ga kenal yang namanya lagu cinta, puisi cinta, cinta menurut orang, kata-kata mutiara cinta, dan segala macem yang berhubungan dengan itu..
apa kita bakal tau apa yang kita rasain itu cinta?
or perhaps would we call it in different name?
perhaps a pink balloon is love
or a flower is love

it's like being a baby.. knows nothing bout anything yet..
and what they think it's lovable and good, they simply love it! and its easy...

but when we grow older..
everything seems to be more complicated..
maybe because we know too much, then we tend to complicate simple things..
hmm..
makes me ponder though...

harusnya cinta itu kan simple..
cuma sebuah kata
sebuah subjek
sebuah objek(?)

a feeling i suppose?

nothing more than that.....

then people come and interprete many things from it...
just because they experience something pleasant or unpleasant from love...
they begin to describe love in many different ways..

love no longer has its own originality.......................

waktu jatuh cinta kita puja2 cinta..
waktu patah hati? mmmm cinta disalah2in.
hahaha its funny how human operates.......

or else we begin to blame the person "in charge"

i guess nothing to blame when it comes to love...

love is there, is created to be experienced and felt...
katanya God nyiptain kita dengan love...
kalau gitu sebenernya kita ini bentuk cinta dong.. eh apa kita ini sebenernya malah cinta itu sendiri? hehehe..

kalau cinta ketemu cinta jadi dobel cinta, harusnya bahagia yah. bukan bikin sedih.
hehehehe..

gue ga pernah tau apa sih tanda2 orang cinta ma kita.
tapi yang sekarang gue rasain...
dan gue yakin gue bener2 tau apa yang gue rasain..
ada seseorang di luar sana yang sayang (sayang ama cinta beda ya? hahah) sama gue sepenuh hati dia..
walo kadang dia bikin keki sih. HAHAHAHHA..

ga ada spesifikasi buat apa yang dia rasain ke gue..
dasar orangnya simple dan cuek mungkin hahaha...
tapi yang jelas gue tau dia sayang sama gue karena:

1. dia ga pernah sekalipun nyakitin gue dengan yang namanya maenin perasaan gue, coba2 komitmen yang uda kita buat.. dengan macem2 sama cewek laen ato gmn2.. itu uda cukup buktiin selama sekian taun kita sama2 dia ga ada maksud sekalipun nyakitin gue dengan cara murahan begitu. dan gue tau betul dia serius sama gue dan sayang sama gue sepenuh hati

2. dia berani bikin komitmen sama gue dari awal. dan itu penting buat gue.. walo masih pacaran, gue ga pernah mau maen2.. klo mo maen2 sana di timezone jangan di hidup gue.. gue bukan maenan, bukan kelinci percobaan buat praktekin hal2 ga jelas

3. dia hampir ga pernah muji gue, ato blg "kamu cantik deh hari ini", wah bisa diitung pake jari tangan selama jadian sekian taun, tapi gue tau tiap dia liat gue turun tangga dari kamar gue untuk ngedate bareng dia, matanya ga pernah bisa bohong kalau dia admire gue, kalau penantian dia selama berjem2 nungguin gue dandan ga sia2 walo masih ngomel2 sih abisnya hehehe

4. walau dia cuek banget.. kadang2 omongan gue suka ga gitu ditanggapin, tapi dengan ajaibnya, dengan hebatnya suatu saat dia bakal ngasih/lakuin sesuatu yang gue pernah omongin.. contoh konkrit aja, gue dulu selalu ngomong gue ga suka lah sama mawar merah cuma suka mawar putih yang kuncup, abis itu gue berandai2 misalnya aja ada yang kasih gue golden retriever puppy buat kado, trs gue juga suka kalau cowok puts his hand around my waist... trus dia sih denger gitu manggut2 doang, cuek2 bebek.. keki sih selalu..
tapi abis ternyata dia wujudin itu smua.. it's more than a dream comes true... semua yang gue mau jadi ga gitu berarti ketimbang dia ada di hidup gue, which is more than everything i could ask for....

masih banyak sih sign2nya..
hahaha....
next time if i remember i'll update (:

tapi so far.. kalau itu bukan cinta, apapun itu gue ga peduli...
yang penting gue tau dia care ke gue dan ga maenin gue. uda lebi dari cukup
dan amazingly sekarang dia lebi concern ke future kita berdua, which makes me happier than ever! (:

wish 01

i don't want to shout at you
even though it might make you feel better

i don't want to preach you
even if it will make you feel less pain

i don't even want to tell you the reasons why
or what should you do or don't
i know im no good at it
so i let myself sit in silence

and listen

and i wish
somehow i can make you feel good

what i really want is that you can become someone i know
like you used to be...

falling in love, broken hearted, moving on, and being indifferent.

~falling in love

nobody knows when, where, who
love will never tell when it's going to come and fetch your heart
or perhaps take it away....

but who knows when in a second you turn your head
and you realise you have found someone
someone so perfect that you barely can take your eyes off of this beautiful creature

when you realise that God is too nice
by giving you chance to live and see the most concrete angel on earth

when the moment seems so right
when time almost stops ticking
when your heart throbs lunatically
when you feel like your body is so warm
and you feel like you want to shout to the world that you found someone

then you realise, this is love...

~broken hearted

then there is moment where suddenly you feel like your whole world is going collapse
when you feel like what you've been dreaming for so long is scattered into pieces in just one simple word,
over....

~ moving on

you suddenly feel like everything becomes so light and easy
things aren't stuck in your mind anymore
and you can breathe easily
and you realise what you have done in the past was just silly stupid things
and you feel like you are free as birds in the sky
no burden
no pain
no vain
no tears
and no reason to feel all of them...

~being indifferent

you don't want people to step in your so called "comfort zone"
yet you don't want to be left behind
you don't want to be alone
there is nothing to do
nothing to say
nothing to bear
nothing to suffer from
nothing to survive from
nothing...
just completely feel nothing.....


i feel so surreal......
everything seems so absurd...
seeing people in pain
in vain...
and there's nothing i can do to make things better or at least to make them feel better....
how i wish i could have a power..
or hope..
hope to keep them alive......
alive in their own pains, in their own sufferings..
how i love them that i don't want them to be like this
but i know im incapable to stop
i'll be good, and You can use me as your favourite tool to heal them....
use me and make them feel better....