angels in disguise.

hari ini ada cleaning up di space (as usual..)
i just realise that my stuffs were so massive. haha...

so i put everything in a box
but little did i know...........
box nya jebol bawahnya krn basah kena hujan...

my friend helped me carry my stuffs
and i had to drag myself to carry the heavy box with spoiled bottom part
and i struggled to keep it whole
until everything was spilled......

on my way to taxi stand, the box couldnt carry anything anymore..
to make things worse, when i was otw to taxi stand, the car passed by, inside the car, the indian man, staring at both of me n my friend, smiling, laughing, and his face looks mocking us..
wtf...

while i was cleaning up the mess in the middle of corridor in that shopping centre..
people passed us by, staring at us..
curious of what we were doing (wasnt it obvious enough?!)

and when i was thinking, how people could be so ignorant..
is there anyone in this world, kind enough to just ask me, "do you need a hand?"
instead of just staring and staring like i am a monkey in a circus...

someone helped me by giving a new box..
i was so amazed..
God wasnt an ignorant and He never be an ignorant
one second i thought this day is the worst day ever..
and the next second i know..
some people are "sent" to brighten and enlighten my rough day.. (:

then i walked to the taxi stand..
while i was busy protecting my stuffs from raindrops
gue ga ngeh kalo orang depan gue (lagi antri taxi di taxi stand) uda maju..
sampe aunty2 belakang gue nanya dengan betenya "ni yao bu yao!?" (mau antri/gk intinya)
i was like.. what the................
jelas2 keliatan gue bawa barang gitu dan antri depan dia..
sabar kenapa sih?
kenapa cuma berdiri beberapa cm dr antrian org di depan gue...
kenapa harus kek gitu...
and i realised again...
people are just so selfish and mean..

then i got a cab..
and again.. another angel in disguise..
sopir taxinya baik banget..
bantuin gue masukin smua barang ke trunknya..
(supir taxi sini biasa ga peduli lu mau repot masukin barang kek apa kek..)
and moreover it was raining...
sampe tempat gue..
sopir taxinya lagi2 bantuin gue nurunin smua barang carefully..
dan sampe bantu rapihin juga..
i was more than touched by those people's kindness..

once again He never ignores me.. i always know..
and He always knows exactly how to brighten and enlighten my rough and heavy days with nice people i believe He sent to me.. (:

love.

we often hear the word "love", almost every song we hear brings up this theme.
love love love......

but do we ever really fall in love?
if so, what is love?
what are the signs?
i dont know..
and i probably will never know...
but i know one thing for sure..

if what im feeling now is not love, then i don't know what it is called...

gue ga pernah ngerti dan bisa jelasin cinta itu apa..
but i often hear people blame love for whatever reason they have been through...
why blame love?
buat gue cinta ga pernah salah..
kenapa nyalahin cinta kalau lo jatuh cinta ma orang tapi cinta lo ditolak?
if you blame love then you know nothing bout love i suppose..

ga ada yang tau kapan kita jatuh cinta atau patah hati..
kalau tau juga gue rasa ga akan seru ni hidup. hahaha..

kalau misalnya dari kita lahir, kita ga kenal yang namanya lagu cinta, puisi cinta, cinta menurut orang, kata-kata mutiara cinta, dan segala macem yang berhubungan dengan itu..
apa kita bakal tau apa yang kita rasain itu cinta?
or perhaps would we call it in different name?
perhaps a pink balloon is love
or a flower is love

it's like being a baby.. knows nothing bout anything yet..
and what they think it's lovable and good, they simply love it! and its easy...

but when we grow older..
everything seems to be more complicated..
maybe because we know too much, then we tend to complicate simple things..
hmm..
makes me ponder though...

harusnya cinta itu kan simple..
cuma sebuah kata
sebuah subjek
sebuah objek(?)

a feeling i suppose?

nothing more than that.....

then people come and interprete many things from it...
just because they experience something pleasant or unpleasant from love...
they begin to describe love in many different ways..

love no longer has its own originality.......................

waktu jatuh cinta kita puja2 cinta..
waktu patah hati? mmmm cinta disalah2in.
hahaha its funny how human operates.......

or else we begin to blame the person "in charge"

i guess nothing to blame when it comes to love...

love is there, is created to be experienced and felt...
katanya God nyiptain kita dengan love...
kalau gitu sebenernya kita ini bentuk cinta dong.. eh apa kita ini sebenernya malah cinta itu sendiri? hehehe..

kalau cinta ketemu cinta jadi dobel cinta, harusnya bahagia yah. bukan bikin sedih.
hehehehe..

gue ga pernah tau apa sih tanda2 orang cinta ma kita.
tapi yang sekarang gue rasain...
dan gue yakin gue bener2 tau apa yang gue rasain..
ada seseorang di luar sana yang sayang (sayang ama cinta beda ya? hahah) sama gue sepenuh hati dia..
walo kadang dia bikin keki sih. HAHAHAHHA..

ga ada spesifikasi buat apa yang dia rasain ke gue..
dasar orangnya simple dan cuek mungkin hahaha...
tapi yang jelas gue tau dia sayang sama gue karena:

1. dia ga pernah sekalipun nyakitin gue dengan yang namanya maenin perasaan gue, coba2 komitmen yang uda kita buat.. dengan macem2 sama cewek laen ato gmn2.. itu uda cukup buktiin selama sekian taun kita sama2 dia ga ada maksud sekalipun nyakitin gue dengan cara murahan begitu. dan gue tau betul dia serius sama gue dan sayang sama gue sepenuh hati

2. dia berani bikin komitmen sama gue dari awal. dan itu penting buat gue.. walo masih pacaran, gue ga pernah mau maen2.. klo mo maen2 sana di timezone jangan di hidup gue.. gue bukan maenan, bukan kelinci percobaan buat praktekin hal2 ga jelas

3. dia hampir ga pernah muji gue, ato blg "kamu cantik deh hari ini", wah bisa diitung pake jari tangan selama jadian sekian taun, tapi gue tau tiap dia liat gue turun tangga dari kamar gue untuk ngedate bareng dia, matanya ga pernah bisa bohong kalau dia admire gue, kalau penantian dia selama berjem2 nungguin gue dandan ga sia2 walo masih ngomel2 sih abisnya hehehe

4. walau dia cuek banget.. kadang2 omongan gue suka ga gitu ditanggapin, tapi dengan ajaibnya, dengan hebatnya suatu saat dia bakal ngasih/lakuin sesuatu yang gue pernah omongin.. contoh konkrit aja, gue dulu selalu ngomong gue ga suka lah sama mawar merah cuma suka mawar putih yang kuncup, abis itu gue berandai2 misalnya aja ada yang kasih gue golden retriever puppy buat kado, trs gue juga suka kalau cowok puts his hand around my waist... trus dia sih denger gitu manggut2 doang, cuek2 bebek.. keki sih selalu..
tapi abis ternyata dia wujudin itu smua.. it's more than a dream comes true... semua yang gue mau jadi ga gitu berarti ketimbang dia ada di hidup gue, which is more than everything i could ask for....

masih banyak sih sign2nya..
hahaha....
next time if i remember i'll update (:

tapi so far.. kalau itu bukan cinta, apapun itu gue ga peduli...
yang penting gue tau dia care ke gue dan ga maenin gue. uda lebi dari cukup
dan amazingly sekarang dia lebi concern ke future kita berdua, which makes me happier than ever! (:

wish 01

i don't want to shout at you
even though it might make you feel better

i don't want to preach you
even if it will make you feel less pain

i don't even want to tell you the reasons why
or what should you do or don't
i know im no good at it
so i let myself sit in silence

and listen

and i wish
somehow i can make you feel good

what i really want is that you can become someone i know
like you used to be...

falling in love, broken hearted, moving on, and being indifferent.

~falling in love

nobody knows when, where, who
love will never tell when it's going to come and fetch your heart
or perhaps take it away....

but who knows when in a second you turn your head
and you realise you have found someone
someone so perfect that you barely can take your eyes off of this beautiful creature

when you realise that God is too nice
by giving you chance to live and see the most concrete angel on earth

when the moment seems so right
when time almost stops ticking
when your heart throbs lunatically
when you feel like your body is so warm
and you feel like you want to shout to the world that you found someone

then you realise, this is love...

~broken hearted

then there is moment where suddenly you feel like your whole world is going collapse
when you feel like what you've been dreaming for so long is scattered into pieces in just one simple word,
over....

~ moving on

you suddenly feel like everything becomes so light and easy
things aren't stuck in your mind anymore
and you can breathe easily
and you realise what you have done in the past was just silly stupid things
and you feel like you are free as birds in the sky
no burden
no pain
no vain
no tears
and no reason to feel all of them...

~being indifferent

you don't want people to step in your so called "comfort zone"
yet you don't want to be left behind
you don't want to be alone
there is nothing to do
nothing to say
nothing to bear
nothing to suffer from
nothing to survive from
nothing...
just completely feel nothing.....


i feel so surreal......
everything seems so absurd...
seeing people in pain
in vain...
and there's nothing i can do to make things better or at least to make them feel better....
how i wish i could have a power..
or hope..
hope to keep them alive......
alive in their own pains, in their own sufferings..
how i love them that i don't want them to be like this
but i know im incapable to stop
i'll be good, and You can use me as your favourite tool to heal them....
use me and make them feel better....

kebiasaan buruk pasangan

baru sign in msn, kebuka deh itu TODAY menu..
ehh ga sengaja iseng2 buka page ini...
jadi mau ketawa hihihihihi......
sebenernya sih menurut gue emg alamiahnya n naturalnya cowok2 untuk bersikap begini..
tapi ada beberapa pro n kontra dalam artikel ini...
yg kadang seperti men-stereotype-kan laki2.. hehehe...
(tapi bukan berarti gue membela kaum laki2 juga karena mereka emg kadang sukaa sihh bikin bete :P)

taken from: http://news.id.msn.com/lifestyle/okezone/article.aspx?cp-documentid=3673893

Main mata dengan wanita lain
Para kaum hawa tentunya tidak bodoh. Mereka tahu persis saat Anda mencuri pandang atau main mata dengan wanita lain. Dengan pelayan restoran, atau pun gadis di sebelah meja kalian misalnya. Kebiasan ini tentu saja membuatnya jengkel dan tak bisa berhenti mengomel saat Anda main mata dengan wanita tersebut.
Tentu saja kebiasaan buruk ini membuat para kaum hawa berpendapat, pasangannya yang hobi main mata dengan wanita lain, memiliki bakat playboy. Jika kekesalannya sudah menumpuk jangan heran bila si dia akan segera meninggalkan Anda secepat mungkin.
untuk yang satu ini, gue cuma bisa ngomong, kalau emg uda dasarnya co itu matanya punya sensor yg sangat kuat, tajam, dan peka..
sama aja kek misalnya co itu selalu reflek bisa liat paha ce yang tiba2 roknya disingkap angin, padahal anginnya belon dateng, matanya uda bisa nengok duluan cari itu object surgawi sesaat.
atau misalnya emang ada cewek bening lewat, ya jamak aja mata co ngelirik. kita perempuan juga suka ngeliat yang seger2 kok waktu sama pasangan kita..
sesuatu yang ga bisa dipungkiri.
kuncinya ya ngertiin aja uda dasarnya manusia ga bisa puas sama apa yang dimiliki jadi selalu bisa reflek liat yang bening2.
lagian liat aja ga dosa, asal jangan keterlaluan....
tau diri aja deh... ☺

Selalu terlambat setiap kencan
Hal kecil yang bisa menguji kesabaran para wnaita adalah mendapati pasangannya tidak tepat waktu. Satu atau dua kali kebiasaan buruk ini Anda lakoni, mungkin si dia akan memaafkannya, tetapi lebih dari itu peringatan pun akan segera menghampiri Anda.
Namun semakin sering Anda mengulangi kesalahan dengan datang terlambat ditiap kencan, tak menutup kemungkinan si dia akan meninggalkan Anda di lokasi kencan. Oleh karena itu, jika tak ingin membuat pasangan menjadi marah siapkan seribu alasan agar kebiasaan Anda dimaafkan dan kisah asmara pun terselamatkan.

ambil positifnya aja deh..
ngaku aja kalau ce dandan itu lama banget klo mo ngedate (contohnya saya: pernah bikin pacar saya bete karena 1 jam nungguin saya dandan HAHAHAH!)
tapi worth it kan karena cantik? AHHAHA! *pede*

okay, cowok2, setidaknya kalian cobalah lebih on time....
emang bete nungguin cewek dandan..
tapi itu bukan alasan untuk datang terlambat..
at least dateng ngepas sama waktu yang dijanjikan..
jangan sampai bikin perempuan nungguin kalian di rumah..
emang si di rumah sndiri..
tapi apa kalian tau perempuan itu selalu excited nungguin co dateng jemput untuk date???
jadi cepet2 lah dateng...
klo emg ada halangan, kasih tau in advance, jadi betenya yaaa ga bete2 amat. hehehe...

Bergosip
Meski tak semua pria hobi bergosip, namun tak disangkal sebagian pria juga suka bergosip dengan para sahabatnya. Kini bergosip tak hanya menjadi kegiatan para kaum hawa disaat senggang, melainkan ada banyak pria yang mulai menikmati kegiatan yang satu ini. Kebiasaan ini pula yang kerap membuat para wanita kesal. Pasalnya pasangan lebih senang menghabiskan waktunya dengan teman-temannya untuk bergosip dibandingkan menghabiskan waktu untuk bersama dirinya.

errr... ini sih gue ga bisa komen banyak yah..
mungkin problemnya bukan gosip2an...
intinya cowok2, coba deh lebih peka dikit..
kalian kan emang kaum sosialis dimana ada prinsip kalau laki2 itu sama temen2nya ga akan bisa dipisahin...
jadi cewek2 coba aja juga ngertiin dikit..
cuma jadi co juga jangan keterlaluan, coba balance dong waktu ngumpul ma temen sm ce....
trus kalo LDR coba kek pikirin ce nya dulu baru temen2nya..
toh sama temen2nya kan ketemu tiap hari, sama ce nya? hayo??

Pelupa
Kebiasaan lain yang juga dibenci para wanita adalah saat pasangannya menjadi sosok pria pelupa. Konon kebiasan ini akan mendatangkan banyak masalah bila para pria sudah janji dan lupa untuk menepati janjinya pada pasangan. Tak heran banyak pasangan yang kerap menuding pria tersebut adalah pria pembohong, padahal mereka nyatanya lupa dengan janji yang mereka ungkapkan.
Untuk itu, cobalah Anda mengingat kembali ucapan dan janji apa saja yang pernah Anda ucapkan pada pasangan dan usahakan agar Anda tidak mengumbar janji lagi bila Anda masih saja lupa untuk menepati janji-janji Anda.


pelupa, semua orang juga bisa pelupa..
mungkin kekurangan sama co bukan pelupa, tapi kurang peka dan kurang cermat.......
coba deh jadi lebi sedikit peka, emang susah, tp worth it..
mau kan jadi co yang dipuja2 wanita karena "beda" dari co laen?
sedikit usaha bisa disayang banget sama pacar kan anggep ja sebagai hadiah? heehehe......
gausah umbar janji2 jijik kalau emang ga mampu, jangan cuma buat tunjukin kalau lo itu keren ato gentleman. SALAH BESAR...
kalau ga bisa janji, just say it out loud!
it's not that you are some kind of superman..
superman juga punya kekurangan kok...
gausa mencoba jadi perfect atau senengin ce kalau ujung2nya cuma jadi permasalahan yang lead to fight or argument. HARI GINIIIIIIIIII JANJI2? TENGGELEMIN DIRI SONO KE SEGITIGA BERMUDA AJA MANNN! ☺

well ini ga ada maksud jelek2in artikel dr msn sih..
cuma mau kasih sudut pandang yang berbeda aja (mungkin sedikit subjektif n personal?)
but hey this is my blog ☺
no harm lohhhhh hehehhe....

banyak lagi sih contoh2 konkrit hasil research (CIEEE RESEARCH) gue selama ini...
haha...
tapi mungkin next time aja kalau gue pas inget apa2 aja.. hehehe....

i am scared.

i can't sleep
or i don't want to sleep?

no matter what i do
i keep coming back to the core
the core where i feel like destroying myself into pieces so i would probably not be going to feel anything

i begin to hate myself
for being so weak
for being so lost in my personal mistranslation mind

im scared the most when i barely know what is going on
when i feel like im blind though i can see clearly
when i feel like im not going get through anything but in fact i havent started anything yet

im scared i lost in this battle right before it starts

im scared for being alone in this moment
moment of truth
truth i don't want to be revealed

or shall i say im scared to know the truth?

but it does not make any sense when i think about what am i afraid of

my eyes become so tired
too tired to be opened
but too afraid to be closed

darkness and silence are perfect combination for another mistranslation
and im completely fragile right now that i wish some people would understand

i want to pray but my will is too weak

shortcut i don't think is the best way to solve everything

i guess i have to wait for thursday afternoon
hope the truth will cease of all pains and worries instead of creating a new vacuum of mind of mine

im a gentlewoman! LOL

so what makes a man(shall i say woman too?) gentleman(gentlewoman?)?

kenapa ya gue ngerasa kok sekarang KEBANYAKAN co itu ga gentleman..
atau emang susah yah nyari gentleman?
faktor umur is not the crucial thing in this case..
i guess its all about mindset..
a man should be aware that he should treat women nicely.

tapi kayaknya sekarang kok co2 pada ga ada manner sama aturan..
masih ada yang suit2in ce kek seakan2 ce tuh burung x disuit2in..
WE ARE NOT BIRDS OR ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN WOLF WHISTLE ON!
its very inappropirate, it shows disrespect, and its very rubbish!
it shows that men are basically like animal, do this kind of thing to women

apa maksudnya juga kalau ada perempuan lewat matanyaa itu loh..
sampe mo keluar...
ada juga yang kalau ada 1 gang (gang is soooo childish and ungentlemanly! gentleman can stand on his own feet, no backing needed) trus liat cewek cakep, langsung liar..
ketawa2 lah, goda2in lah, cengengesan lah, becanda2...
OH PLEASE....
even if you are good looking enough, if you ever do that, well-mannered women would never want to even look at you!
(do that only to other women who know nothing about attitude and manner)

trus gue sering banget alamin di sini ato di indo...
co itu gabisa antri...
dimana2 uda tau sebelah/belakangnya ce..
at least ngalah...
being a gentleman is all about sacrificion and consideration.
yang bener2 gentleman bisa diitung cuma pake jari tangan!
gue sering naek bus, co2 pada sibuk nerobosin masuk duluan...
sedangkan gue yang ngalah..
loh kenapa jadi gue yang gentlewoman?
hmm....

basicnya jadi gentleman tiap co itu harus tau.
its a must thing!
gue sih ngerasa kesian aja sama co2 yang ga ngerti gimana harusnya treat a woman..

basicnya kan simple (gue aja tau, masa co pada gatau sih... cape de):
1. never ever EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!x10000 talk down to women!
2. always open the door for women, hold it
3. pull the chair for women if necessary
4. pay the bill discreetly, dont make fuss to impress your woman. ITS A BIG WRONG THING TO DO!
5. walk beside a woman, at least dont walk faster than her nor walk too slow; if she is your girlfriend then hold her hand or put your hand on her waist, it shows that you dont want to let her go and women love it
6. carry stuffs for women(a good women also must know that a man with lady bag is so gay.. so dont ever ask your man to carry your bag everywhere as long as you can carry by yourself)
7. look her in the eyes, not at her boobs or ass or thigh or any other part of her body(unless you really want to kiss her, then look at her lips while she's talking HAHAHA! women will know it once she realises your gaze)
8. retrieve drop items even if she's not your girlfriend or ur date..
9. dont forget to say THANK YOU and SORRY(ini problem buat semua orang jaman sekarang, gatau aturan!)
10. behave properly, jaga cara ngomong, postur tubuh, hygiene! (men who stink are so not gentleman and not attractive)

basic rulesnya kira2 gitu..
uda lama juga gue coba jadi gentlewoman, secara co2 jaman sekarang gatau aturan dan ga ada yg gentleman
jadi gue pikir klo mereka ga bisa jadi gentleman, setidaknya gue aja yg jadi gentlewoman.
hahaahhaha..
jadi klo ada yg mau nerobos antrean depan gue yawes, kalem aja...
tapi klo gue keki sih gue maki2 juga.
hahahahh!!!!!!!!!! (biasanya ibu2 tuh gatau aturan.. cape de)
trus klo ada co ga tahan pintu pas gue mau masuk/keluar suatu tmpt yaudaa gue yang bukain/tahanin buat org belakang gue...
simple thing can lead to a bigger one...
well moga2 aja dengan gue bersikap gentlewoman, co2 pada malu ati ma tau diri sndiri.
HAHAHAH!
tapi keknya ga akan lah ya..
nampaknya sudah menyebar virus gatau diri dan ga tau aturan..

mungkin karena itu juga, gentlemen are so rare to find...
hmm...

Food Critique Pt. I

I've been thinking of posting this kind of post since long time ago, but i had no chance to do it (partially because im lazy HAHAH!)
so here we go...
a food journey or shall i say food critique?
well basically what i do in this kind of post is talking (hopefully not about "rubbish") about foods, places to eat, or anything about foods ☺

first post I dedicate to Tampopo, the japanese resto.
Stanley(fyi he's my friend who's currently staying in USA) introduced me to this *heart* place..
he said that since i love ramen so much, i'd love this place AND I DO! (i thank stan for this hehe)

tampopo becomes my fave jap resto among all (not to mention sushi tei because so far they have the most variety sushi selection), because the ramen is so damn good that you will love it right when you try it! (those who don't like ramen then don't dare to come just to mock and say silly thing)

so, i am the regular costumer in tampopo.
tampopo is located at liang court


i always go there everytime i crave for ramen.
my fave is KYUSHU RAMEN SHOYU but it depends on your taste bud, some say my fave is quite salty compared to the original kyushu ramen..

this KYUSHU RAMEN SHOYU is a pork based soup, added with shoyu (soy sauce), the soup is so thick that you can taste the pork and so rich of flavour, but yet it wont make you sick of drinking it! it doesnt oily or greasy nor too "heavy" for your tummy.
then their ramen (noodle) is superb! the noodle wont get soggy no matter how long you take to eat the (quite big bowl they serve) ramen.
when you munch on the noodle, the texture tastes so perfect in your mouth (indomie jadi sujud2 ma mienya tampopo deee ;P)
then they serve the noodle with boiled egg (don't be mistaken by its simplicity! this boiled egg is another superb item!) once you bite or cut it into half, the warm, smooth, and silky egg yolk will flow nicely in your mouth.. YUM!
then another items are grilled pork, mushroom, and ... this reddish orangy thingy(i forgot what this is called, will update it next time ☺)

everything goes well together when you eat it. YUM YUM

then today i had chance to try new tampopo resto at takashimaya, orchard
IT SUCKS! (ups..)
the ramen was so dissapointing that it tasted so (TOTALLY!) different from the one at liang court.
the soup was so thin that you can barely taste anything but watery salty soup, the noodle was so thin also that you couldnt feel the texture and it didnt absorb the broth (compared to liang court tampopo's)
then the pork was quite tough to bite and the egg was not as good as the usual.
the mushroom was not well done, it was still a bit hard when i bite it
I DONT RECOMMEND THIS TAMPOPO OUTLET!
just go to liang court and have the best ramen there!

ghost at school ending

Ilusi dari langit senja di dunia sana
I Miss You, I Miss You
I Need You, I Need You
Sexy Sexy

Hey
Maukah ke sini?
Kan Ku ceritakan, kisah rahasia padamu

Malam yang berkilauan membasahi hatiku
Waktu tak bisa kembali
Come back, Come back, Come back

Ilusi yang membara dari dunia sana
Bergoyang, bergoyang, bergoyang, bergoyang
Rasanya bagai di surga

Andaikan kita bisa berjumpa di tempat itu
Bergoyang, bergoyang, bergoyang, bergoyang
Sexy Sexy

ghost at school op

tentang dirimu
tentang diriku
tentang siapapun
tentang semuanya
ceritakanlah
kisah yang belum diketahui
untuk bisa memahaminya
kan kubuka hatiku

meski kesepian tapi entah kenapa
tak bisa katakan yang sesungguhnya
padahal kalau bilang hal yang sebaliknya
bisa...
terucap...
begitu saja...

bila hidup dengan hati yang berat
hanya rintangan yang akan terlihat
saat kusadar ku sudah tersesat
hidup seperti itu
kutak mau

andaikan itu
adalah diriku yang lain
maka esok hari pasti kan
jadi lebih baik
kutau itu......
kuyakin itu....

anime dub parade!

gara-gara nonton wedding peach kemaren itu dan denger ending songnya, jadi inget lagu2 anime dub jaman dulu..
kalau ada yg punya link nya atau malah mp3 nya plus lirik, I will appreciate it so much if you want to share it with me! (:

so here we go my anime dub song parade! ;)

i've got this feeling.

you know the feeling everytime we want to leave place where we used to be staying there for some time yet we feel so bored..
but whenever we want to leave the place, suddenly everything looks more beautiful than we used to know.

the sky is bluer than blue
or it's orangy and so warmth

the clouds look fluffy and comfortable

the road seems so pretty with trees and bushes and flowers

the air seems so delicate and not that hot

the lights seem so cozy

i don't know why..
this afternoon, on the way to changi airport, i realised that everything looks so beautiful..
(in fact everytime i'm leaving singapore, everything seems more beautiful and astonishing than before)

is it because the city wants me to stay and regret myself that i'm leaving?
is it because it wants to mock me the way i usually mock it?
or is it because it wants me to remember all good things happen here?

it's funny because the reason why i'm leaving is because this is my home
but whenever i'm leaving it behind, i feel like some part of my "home" is missing too

i guess i will never know the reason why, eh? (:

miyabi goes indonesia? why bother to care? i mean... why make fuss about it?

miyabi ke indonesia.. so?
why most of the people bother to make fuss about it?
what's wrong with collaborating work with miyabi?
she's not that stupid person who does terrorism..
she's not capable of bombing the country
she's not that strong to diminish indonesia or whatsoever..
she's just an innocent look porn star(i mean BIG porn star)
then so what?
what is the meaning of porn star compared to those celebs who think they are not a porn star but act like one?

gue disini ga memihak miyabi or whatsoever (well walo gue akuin gue fans berat miyabi)
tapi dipikir pake logika aja..
apa hubungannya miyabi ke indonesia sm semua keributan n argumentasi yang ada..
sama kontra kedatangan dia..
gue ga melihat 1 alasan pun for her to come n play in indonesia's movie.
if you dont like her THEN SIMPLY DONT WATCH THE MOVIE AND SHUT YOUR **** MOUTH..
if you like her, then watch the movie and just enjoy it..
why bother to shout out loud your silly and stupid and idiot and moron thoughts...
kenapa juga harus ikut2an kata org, oh miyabi tuh bintang porno, ga pantes maen pelem indo dll..

what's the base argument then?
ga ada...
ga make sense sama sekali!
cuma karena dia porn star trs dia ga pantes maen pelem di indo?
kenapa ga bisa mikir positifnya aja..
regardless whether the movie is going to be a hit or not..
bisa masukin "bintang" setenar dia di dalam film produksi indo, bukannya sebagai orang indo bangga bisa pamer ke org laen klo miyabi aja mau ke indo n maen pelem.. malah triak2 ga kruan, sampah, sama sumpah2in miyabi...

gimana mo maju indonesia klo masih muda aja kebanyakan otaknya isinya sampah..

gimana ga gue sebut sampah..
cuma miyabi maen pelem aja tereak2..
gimana miyabi maen pelem porno di indonesia?
waduh, bisa2 miyabi di demo...
wew...
gila x.. lebih2in orang barbar!
ups, tepatnya caveman, yg otaknya ga berevolusi cm bisa pake tenaga doang..

enjoy aja kenapa..
toh ga ada yang dirugikan..
gasuka ya jangan nonton, suka ya enjoy..
as simple as that, why bother to make thing complicated?

social matter?

minta maaf (sorry) and terima kasih (thank you)
are simple words that seeeeeeeeeeem so hard to be found nowadays..
people are just so carefree. they don't really care about these manner thingy anymore(or do they ever care?)

i always feel happy whenever i meet people who know how to say 'thank you' and 'sorry'
i don't know why but those simple words can make my day feels so great.

gatau kenapa yah... kenapa jarang banget nemu orang yg ngerti kapan harus bilang makasih ato maaf..
kadang ada yg uda nyerobot antrian ato ngelakuin apa2 (simple aja, nabrak/senggol)
ga blg apa2, malah melotot2 kek mo keluar matanya..
ga ngerti orang2 kek gitu apa punya etika/gak...
minta maaf sm terima kasih ga perlu mandeng org yg harus kita sampein..
mo anak kecil kek, remaja kek, org dewasa kek, siapapun...
dimanapun...
kalau lakuin kesalahan udah sepantesnya blg maaf...
dan kalau dibantu/dikasih sesuatu udah harusnya bilang makasih...
bukannya sangat gampang cuma ngomong gitu aja kok susah...
gausa melotot2 kalo nabrak orang atau bikin orang laen kesel...
juga gausa malu2 kalau harus bilang makasih...
cuma bilang gausa bayar ato kenapa2 kan..
kenapa keknya susaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah banget....

pengen deh ada budaya 'makasih' dan 'maaf'
katanya, ngakunya, orang asia itu ramah2....
tapi kenapa bilang 2 kata itu aja susah banget....
tapi hobinya melotot2 kalo sendirinya bikin kesalahan....
bener2 ga ngerti..
apalagi anak kecil jaman sekarang, bukannya dari kecil diajar etika, tapi orang tuanya sendiri malah ga bisa praktekin etika yg diajarin dari sd(inget tuh pelajaran PPKn)
ga cuma orang dewasa, yang udah tua juga banyak yang ga ngerti etika(klo kasus ini sih keknya anggep aja uda terlanjur kebawa usia)

dan anak2 muda jaman sekarang..
well......
masih banyak yang gatau etika...

kenapa ga mulai untuk belajar bilang makasih sama maaf?
gausah mandeng siapa orang yang kita hadepin..
siapapun orangnya kalau kita salah udah harusnya bilang maaf..
kalau orang laen baek ke kita/kasih sumthing/bantu sumthing udah harusnya bilang makasih....

mau jadi apa kalau ke depannya semua orang gatau etika?
yang simple aja ga bisa dilakuin, cape2 gembar gembor hal2 besar...
hmmmm.....

sweet childhood.

aku ingin rasanya kembali seperti dulu
saat dimana kepolosan jadi yang paling utama
dimana aku tidak mengerti apa arti sebuah tanggung jawab dan rasa bersalah
dimana aku belum tahu apa itu rasanya sakit yang terlalu sakit sampai rasanya kepala ini mau pecah

waktu kita kecil dimana kita bercanda, berkelahi, bermusuhan
diam-diaman
namun suatu hari kamu membawakanku sebuah, hanya sebuah permen
yang tidak ada harganya dibanding 100 tangkai bunga mawar atau ajakan makan malam di tempat mewah
namun kita bisa kembali bergandeng tangan dan bercengkerama seperti biasa
seperti tidak pernah terjadi apapun
begitu mahalnya arti sebuah kepolosan

yang hilang begitu saja waktu kita beranjak dewasa....

aku kangen ingin jadi seperti anak kecil saja
aku ingin tiap kali mengatasi masalah seperti itu bukanlah akhir dari segalanya
tanpa harus menimang keputusan yang harus kuambil
tanpa harus memikirkan akibat dari apa yang akan kulakukan

aku bosan rasanya terperangkap dalam situasi yang dewasa
dalam perkelahian dan argumentasi yang memakan waktu
kalau ujung-ujungnya hanya berbaikan lagi,
atau mungkin malah bersikap layaknya tidak pernah mengenal satu dan lainnya

tapi semua itu serasa indah waktu kita berbaikan, kan?

kita sempat memaki, berteriak, dan melupakan semua yang nyaman dan indah
namun saat mulai menangis dan terdiam
saat kamu peluk aku dengan hangat, tanpa sepatah kata aku selalu tahu bahwa rasa bersalah terbendung hebatnya di dalam hatimu
saat kudengar tiap detak jantungmu yang selalu terasa hangat
dan seketika aku tahu, semua sudah terlupakan
dan kita kembali bergandengan tangan

namun aku tetap rindu akan kepolosan diwaktu kecil
dimana semua teriakan dan makian tidak perlu dikerahkan
tidak perlu terjadi...

let us be a bluetooth connection.

why don't we turn on our bluetooth and stick together?
don't go too far or else we'll be disconnected

hold each other's hand if necessary
so that we know we won't be seperated and get lost

send me anything you want me to own
share your mind
share your feeling
share anything

my storage will always be available for you
so don't you worry about me getting enough
because i will never

protect our connection with our own "password"
so that nobody will be able to encounter end enter our own realm
so that nobody can destroy our bound
nobody will seperate us and distract us

you have my special place
and you will always be there

so remember to stick with me and don't let your hand slips away from mine
if that happens, i will try to re-connect again and find you no matter how far you go (:

imperfection matter.

i may not be the nicest person you've ever met in your life
i may not be the sweetest girl you've ever found in this universe
i may not be as normal as you expected

i do often scream at you
i do shout at you
i yell at you

i often get angry
and i'm easily upset

i'm selfish and stubborn

i forgive but not forget

you know me exactly yet you're surprised by me sometimes

but you must know i never intentionally hurt you
i just often forget how delicate your feeling is
it's not that i don't love or understand you

i don't have the biggest heart to love you
i don't do sweet things to make you happy
i make you cry all the times
and i sometimes keep silent

i speak as i am
but again, i never meant to hurt your or any others' feeling

well maybe i don't deserve your love
then don't bother to stay
you say i don't change
well can you accept it?
coz if not then you can easily walk away...

i'm tired not because of you
but because of your lackness in certain things that i cannot tolerate sometimes
you expect me to change but you, yourself, never really do it

so tell me is it fair now?
or do you want to continue your silence and keep blaming yourself because i said so and let myself blaming myself because of what you have said?

God knows.

Semua ada waktunya....

Semua indah pada waktunya....
TUHAN tak akan terlambat...
Juga tak akan lebih cepat.....
TUHAN TAHU
Beberapa Hal Yang Dapat Mendorongmu Untuk Tetap Bertahan !

Jika kau merasa lelah dan tak berdaya dari usaha yang sepertinya sia-sia...
Tuhan tahu betapa keras engkau sudah berusaha.

Ketika kau sudah menangis sekian lama dan hatimu masih terasa pedih...
Tuhan sudah menghitung airmatamu.

Jika kau pikir bahwa hidupmu sedang menunggu sesuatu dan waktu serasa berlalu begitu saja... Tuhan sedang menunggu bersama denganmu.

Ketika kau merasa sendirian dan teman-temanmu terlalu sibuk untuk menelepon.
Tuhan selalu berada disampingmu.

Ketika kau pikir bahwa kau sudah mencoba segalanya dan tidak tahu hendak berbuat apa lagi... Tuhan punya jawabannya.

Ketika segala sesuatu menjadi tidak masuk akal dan kau merasa tertekan...
Tuhan dapat menenangkanmu.

Jika tiba-tiba kau dapat melihat jejak-jejak harapan....
Tuhan sedang berbisik kepadamu.

Ketika segala sesuatu berjalan lancar dan kau merasa ingin mengucap syukur..
Tuhan telah memberkatimu.

Ketika sesuatu yang indah terjadi dan kau dipenuhi ketakjuban..
Tuhan telah tersenyum padamu.

Ketika kau memiliki tujuan untuk dipenuhi dan mimpi untuk digenapi...
Tuhan sudah membuka matamu dan memanggilmu dengan namamu.

Ingat bahwa dimanapun kau atau kemanapun kau menghadap...
TUHAN TAHU

"you have a nice hair" LOL.

today i went out with cindy.
i guess i can call today as a skipping class(es) day. (:
i did skip 2 classes..
i didn't feel like going..
i dont know why..
maybe because the sky is cloudy?
haha...
i guess not.
well maybe because im tired with a full and packed week i've been going through.

today we had lunch @lucky plaza, we went to ayam penyet ria
cindy had her ayam penyet with ice milo and lots of sambal haha..
and i had my baso bihun and baso penyet with nasi (i know i eat less lady like)
ahahaha...

but hey im craving for indo foods ):

then cindy was looking for quilt and bed sheet.
so we went to taka, but we didn't find any, everything is so crazy expensive there..
then we went to metro @ paragon and she found what she needs
and i found what i (accidentally feel like i) need.. ahahha...
when she was looking around for "perfect" bedsheet, i was wandering aroung the children's toys area..
when i suddenly saw this amazing astonishing and brilliant toy, called play doh™. haha!!!!!
i saw this ice cream maker play doh and i was like. HELL THIS IS BRILLIANT FOR MY PROJECT STUDIES!!!!!!!!!!!
play doh™ is like an irresistible toy for me..
well maybe i was a crazy little kid who like to imitate everything using clay since i was young.
so whenever i see play doh™ and everything that can make artificial foods i will scream out loud and rush to grab as many as i could and go to cashier. hahahha...
(im sure my mom now knows why i insisted to buy many kinds of kitchen set toys when i was young and i insisted i want to boil water use real fire and it made her go crazy. hahaha)
i bought 2 types of play doh™.
the one is magic swirl ice cream shoppe™.
http://www.hasbro.com/playdoh/en_US/shop/details.cfm?guid=93FF4361-6D40-1014-8BF0-9EFBF894F9D4&product_id=22175&src=endeca
and the other one is the confetti maker™.
http://www.hasbro.com/playdoh/en_US/shop/details.cfm?guid=934F3FC8-6D40-1014-8BF0-9EFBF894F9D4&product_id=19381&src=endeca
im so excited rite now really want to finish my meal and take a bath then experiment with my-so called-new toy.
well as "grown up", i feel like we will always have a child side in every of us...
we will always craze over "new toy" whatever it is. either our fave collection or anything. really, it could be anything! (:
i remember the first time my mom bought me play doh™ was because i insisted that i want that thing on TV.
that time ads showed the burger builder one. and i was like WHOAAAAAA.....
hahahha...
in the end my mom bought me one and i knew that it was quite expensive.
then i played with it cheerfully until i got bored. hahahahahha....
and if im not wrong, i ended up mixed all the doh together and it created yucky color and i ignored it, i came back to my old toys. well... kids are kids. HAHAH..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well then we did everything we want then we went home.
after i went home, i went out again to buy mineral water and meal for my dinner.
on the way back when i was walking towards home, a man passed by.
from quite a distance he smiled at me, and when he was getting near, his smile was getting wider and wider and his eyes (i felt like...) was going to eat me alive.. (LOL)
then when i tried not to look at him, he then shouted, "YOU HAVE A NICE HAIR"
i was like what the..........................................
a woman who happened to be walking next to me look at me and she looked disgust by what the man shouted.
i ignored the man and kept walking...

on the way, i was wondering what the hell was he after.
i came up with few possibilities...
1. he's originally nuts.
2. he's trying to get my attention.
3. it's simply just a compliment.

okay i will just stick with reason no. 3
hahaha!!!!!!!!!!

but it was so hillarious that he suddenly screamed the words out loud.

well.. sometimes life needs a joke rite?
then it will be my joke for today (:

old posts(the rest)

okay, i begin to feel tired copying and pasting all old posts here..
i better just post the link here.. (:


iknowitsnotwrongbutistillfeelthatpeopledonttrustmeinwhatimgoingtodobutthatsokay.
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=169700836144

child's innocence.
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=169725801144

pour mon homme aimé
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=172443496144

when words kill-both you and other people.
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=172484676144

untitled VII

Wednesday, August 5, 2009 at 12:54am

ku katakan dengan indah
dengan terluka hatiku hampa
sepertinya luka..

but you never broke my heart
i break mine by myself
it's not your fault
it's just that i want it that way, unexpectedly

let's pretend that i am okay
let's pretend everything is alrightbecause good moment is slipping away
and i don't want to miss any chance to share it with you

i am okay, at least i pretend to be
don't worry bout me
but worry about us
but then don't be so worry because i will fix everything
i will try my best to bear everything
to bear this pain by myself

i owe you too much
and i don't want to bother you anymore
i guess i do

time healed me once
and i am sure it works again right now

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=153294096144

020809

Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 6:42pm

i wish i could make the L word into something i can let you touch and feel it
i wish i could let my feeling show as bright as your most favourite movie
i wish i could define your every touch into a word or a thing
i wish i could touch every memories i spend with you so i won't feel so alone
i wish i could rewind every sweet words you ever said to me
i wish i could bring you along with me in every step i take
i wish i could translate every feeling i feel and every single word in my mind into something you can feel

why do i have to go when i love you so much?
why can't i stay for a while?
why can't i have more time to spend with you?
why can't a year turns into hour?
why can't i scream out loud what i feel for you?
why do i doubt my own feeling in this right moment?

i was so sure that i love you more than myself
now i am not sure if i do

one thing i am sure is i know i don't want to lose you
no matter what it takes to keep you safe with me i'd do.
you know i'd do.
and i did.

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=152088871144

260709

Monday, July 27, 2009 at 4:13pm

I've been searching for someone who can make me feel whole as i am until you found me,
hopeless and bleeding alone
You mended and healed me
You picked every piece of my shattered heart and sealed a hole in my heart
You showed me how to love so patiently
Showered me with trust and honesty
Make me believe there's another chance for a love to grow
I know this love ain't lust
Now I love you too much and i did stupid mistake
I cut the old hole and let it exposed
Thought can make you weak, but instead i'm deeply in pain
I'm selfishly wishing you could hug close and heal me like before
I need you too much, right here and now...

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=148999386144

someday.

Monday, June 22, 2009 at 12:09am

sometimes i wish i could become someone from the past
someone i knew who willingly gave all her heart without asking too much
who was able to love unconditionally

someone, who were not afraid to be broken hearted for loving someone so passionately
someone, who did all she could to make her lover happy

but i am not her anymore
and i cannot do what she could do
though i see her everyday as a reflection
she has the same smile, same happiness

now im trying to mend the pieces of my braveness
so perhaps i could be as strong as i used to before
though the scar from the past left unstitched
though i might get salt sprinkled on it again someday
i hope i would be strong enough to bear it............

but at least i would not feel so wrong again
i would not feel so guilty again,
someday..

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=133706551144

i cant say out loud but--.

Sunday, June 7, 2009 at 12:51am

there is something i can't do
something that im too afraid to
maybe i experienced what it was like to be hurt in the most painful broken hearted
and im too scared to feel the same way again

i let my feeling hides in the darkest corner
i refuse to let it go
fly away like it is supposed to

they say it's about taking chance and pain
i have to start all over again
but the moment i step forward
i stood there and look back
and it's been chasing and haunting me

why can't i just be my old self and make you happy like you've never been before
why can't i turn back the time and meet you in the first place
i want to try to be like i used to be
but im scared

now, will you wait for me?
or will you leave me behind like i used to be treated before?

but wait! wait for melike i worth it
this feeling isn't the same
but i do love you so much
so please, wait....

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=127992956144

i want to but i can't

Friday, June 5, 2009 at 12:22am

i thought about hearing your voice
wish somehow it would calm me down
to soothe the anger in my buried heart

but the anger is unbearable
it's ticking like a time bomb
ready to blow up anytime

i thought i could cry easily after all of these
wish somehow tears could wash away all the pain
to make me forget how it feels to be hurt

but the pain is too much
the tears won't even come
instead it drops on the pain inside my heart and burn with its saltiness

i thought being numb is the final way out
wish i could feel nothing
to ignore everything

but the numb has gone away
leave me hyperventilated
suffocated in pain

i want to run but these feet are too shaky
i want to cry but the tears refuse to come
i want to shout but my voice stuck in my throat
i want to not care about anything but my chest is beating fast in pain
i want to hate myself but i barely know me in this condition
i want to isolate myself but why do i feel lonely
i want to dissapear - don't think i could

i think i just curl up in a ball and try to cry to calm myself
if only i could......

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=127310286144

just when i need you the most - its when youre not here with me.

Thursday, June 4, 2009 at 12:06am

i stare at you from afar
knowing that im far enough from you to see me
i cry silently so nobody will notice me
so you won't notice me

im so scared being myself
and im so scared that im all alone
but i choose not to walk to the crowd
i don't want to be seen
not in my weakest shape

you never know what i feel or what i go through
i don't tell and you never ask
i desperately need you and need a comfort touch
i need to be heard
i want to be accompanied

im getting to hate this isolation
but i dont want to be sorrounded by people
i just want to be with you

but i guess im too far from it
im way too isolated from you to notice me

but it's okayi guess im gonna be just fine by myself
i guess im trying to be strong though im not
i guess i can just crawling to get the air to breathe
i guess i can curl up in a ball then cry out loud
i guess i will survive
i guess this is not so painful as it is

but i guess im wrong....
im wrong...

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=126937446144

untitled VI

Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 3:58pm

i don't come with best free features, such as: patience, kindness, lovable, and understandable heart and mind, etc.

but you know i have tried my best

but don't you ever push me to the limit

i told you once, i warned you twice
three times and look who's the fool now?

let's play it fair.you and your own rules.
me with mine.

i won't step into your game again and so be it.
are you happy now?

close to you..

Friday, March 20, 2009 at 10:45pm

mind to mind now..
im ready to be blown away.

heart to heart now..
im so ready for excitement

close, we are so close together.......
im ready to feel butterflies in my stomach

when you hold me close
i feel so comfortable

when you hug me tight
i feel warm and safe

when you touch me
i feel how you love me so much

when you hold my hand
i know you're deeply in love with me.....

you know i'd die just to hold you, stay with you.............

you are my sky who beautify my world
you are my sun who keeps me warm
you are the morning dew that i always love
and you are my brightest star in the sky....

i learned...

Saturday, March 14, 2009 at 12:18pm

i learned that loving someone could be painful.
i learned that loving someone need no reason.
i learned that im strong enough to wipe my own tears.
i learned that with cry will not change a thing but will make my heart feels better
i learned that i will always be the villain in our relationship no matter what i do, and i don't mind being one.
i learned that sadness is not always dealt with tears, but being completely quiet in sadness makes me think of what is happening.
i learned that i can't make someone love me the way i want them to, i can only hope.
i learned that all i have left is a hope.
and i learned that you are my hope...

sendiri aku benci.

Thursday, February 19, 2009 at 7:39pm

Aku lari ke hutan, kemudian menyanyiku
Aku lari ke pantai, kemudian teriakku
Sepi… Sepi dan sendiri aku benci.
Aku ingin bingar. Aku mau di pasar.

Bosan aku dengan penat,
dan enyah saja kau, pekat

Seperti berjelaga jika aku sendiri
Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

Ada malaikat menyulam jaring laba-laba belang
di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya?
Biar terderah,
Atau aku harus lari ke hutan belok ke pantai?

in a crowded place i feel so lonely
in a noisy place i feel so empty..
what's wrong with me
i run and run and run as fast as i can
my heart beats so fast but i barely feel it
my lung feels so hurt and i can barely breathe
why do i feel so uneasy?
why do i feel so sad about something that i don't even know?
what have i done and what should i do?
i feel like running fast
And hope i could get rid of everything...

dry sobs.

Sunday, February 8, 2009 at 12:05am

you love me.
i love you.
we love each other.
period.

not enough.
it's just not enough.
what i need is what you seem can't give.

i really don't wanna talk bout it anymore.
i am more than enough.
i try so hard to deny my own belief.i
try so hard to hide my feeling.
i try so hard to survive by myself to go through this same old situation.

i don't wanna hurt myself and i don't wanna hurt you in this way.

i'd rather be alone and shed my tears alone.
rather than you're here with me but you say no single word.

i hate a silent you.



but i hate to be like this more.

jatuh cinta.

Friday, February 6, 2009 at 10:34pm

ada seseorang tanya sama gue, kenapa sih namanya "jatuh cinta"
kenapa "jatuh"? jatuh itu kan identik sama sakit..
saat itu juga gue ngerasa..
'iya yah.. bener juga..'
tapi hey...

jatuh cinta ga pernah sakitin seseorang....

jadi menurut gue...

mungkin ga bisa diharafiahin arti 'jatuh' itu bener-bener jatuh.
jatuh itu sesuatu yang ga pernah disengaja, sesuatu yang ga pernah kita mau...
karena kita tau, abis jatuh pasti sakit..
makanya jatuh itu dihindari.
tapi selalu terjadi tanpa sengaja kan?

sama seperti cinta.
cinta ga pernah dipaksa untuk terjadi...
cinta ga pernah kasih kabar kalau dia mau terjadi.
tiba-tiba aja kita ngerasain apa yang namanya cinta.

makanya mungkin dinamain jatuh cinta.
karena ga pernah dipaksa untuk terjadi, semua terjadi begitu aja....

~060209

untitled V

Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 11:07pm

i stare at ceiling
try to be tough
try so hard to make the tear stay
i don't want to burst it out
i don't want to cry
i really don't.

my heart aches
aches like i just knew how being hurt feels like.

you never ask and you'll never know
what happened to me
and what i've gone trough

for sure i suffer
for sure i feel the pain

but you never ask how bad it was?
what did i do?
and why would that happen?

untitled IV

Friday, January 9, 2009 at 7:31pm

seperti orang tolol ku berteriak dalam hati
"what the hell is wrong with him"

kadang ku ingin teriak tepat di depan mukanya
dan seakan ku ingin memukulnya keras

aku bukan gila, aku cuma sangat marah

small thing leads to bigger problem
he might think "hey what's the big deal?"

i tell you now, boy this IS A BIG DEAL

appreciate me and could you just say those f*kin 4 words i'd love love love LOVE! to hear
just once in this 1 year and 7 months relationship...
tell me
just once..............
kalau kamu juga kangen aku

i need not to beg, do i?
well, whatever
do whatever you want
and i'll be the fool til the end

whatever!

untitled III

Friday, January 9, 2009 at 5:46pm

you ignore me once
i am mad like hell
you try to calm me down and hold me close say how sorry you are

you ignore me twice
i begin to think, is this right?
and you make a promise that you will never do the same again

you ignore me again
i keep silence
...and you never realize how it hurts

you said how you feel lost without me
i told you how i feel the same

you said how you feel lost without me til it hurts
i told you i am here and i will never ever leave you and i feel the same way too

i told you i miss you
you keep silence

i told you i miss you so much
you said you're here in my heart

i told you i miss you til i cry
you said you don't know what to do
...and you never realize how it hurts

you made a mistake and say sorry
i forgive you

you made a mistake and not realize it
i still forgive you

you made a mistake, the same mistake and still not realize it
i forgive you no matter what.
..and you never realize how it hurts

i told you don't take me for granted
not because i'm easy, but because i love you this much

i told you it's just me, it's so easy to tell me how you miss me too
how come it seems so hard for you?

i ask you don't do the same mistake
but you do it over and over again

maybe i'm just a girl
or maybe i'm just a fool

maybe you're just a boy
or maybe you're the fool

if only you could feel the same way that i feel...
then i surely am gonna be the most happiest person on earth...
or not?

if i were a boy~beyonce

Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 2:25pm

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understandand you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to herYou don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy


the way you look at me won't be the same if once you try to understand how is it like to be methe way you touch me won't be the same if you ever tried to be me
the way you listen to me won't be the same if you ever tried to talk to someone like you
the way you spend your time won't be the same if you once felt how is it like being abandoned and feel alone...
you don't understand and you will never do
because you never try to understand and learn
it will always be me, the one who try to understand and accept you for who you are
coz it's true that YOU'RE JUST A BOY...

untitled II.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008 at 11:38pm

i said, "dont make me sad"you keep silent

and i walk away

you never try to run after me

and i wonder, "are you worthy enough for me to fight for?"

untitled.

Sunday, November 2, 2008 at 11:44pm

i crawled to the darkest corner
i hid there so you can't see the tears fall when everytime i close my eyes
my question is, "will you ever find me? or should i hide here forever without you knowing that the pain is growing stronger?"

this is what i called a coincidence!
November 4, 2008 ·

huahuahua…
gue ga gitu believe klo suatu coincidence itu terjadi..
karena usually coincidence itu cuma evokes 2 people…
or 2 things..
tapi kali ini…
hari ini….
suatu kebetulan….
3 friends of mine, ketiga2nya laptopnya crash in the same day!
orang pertama dengan canggihnya subuh2 laptopnya tiba2 mati…
laptopnya “ngambek” gamau start up masuk windows..
heuhueehuueueheuheue……
1 laptop uda masuk “rumah sakit”
kedua…
roomate gue..
wkwkwkkwkw..
tadi pagi-pagi sekitar jam 9..
si nona laptop (org super “sibuk” yang cinta mati dengan laptopnya) ini nyalain laptop biasa klo baru bangun..
tiba2 BLEPP…
matiiiii laptopnya..
hauhauuahua…
masuk lah korban kedua ke “rumah sakit”
katanya sih motherboardnya rusak..
huahuha…
trs baru aja few mins back…
satu lagi orang tiba2 telpon gue..
dengan desponya ngmg “laptop gue crash meL…”
yaoloh……
gue ketawa aja dengan polosnya..
hauhauha…
gue kasi tau klo dia orang ketiga yang laptopnya crash…
ive no idea though whats wrong with today…
well one thing that i hope is, hope my laptop will be okay…
hahahahhaha..
kalo besok laptop gue sampe rusak…
gue bakal bikin nasi tumpeng lengkap pake 7 rupa lauK!
hahaha…
*tok tok tok* (ketok meja 3x jangan ampe rusak)
deket musim assessment gini..
sangat ga lucu klo rusak…
and i feel sorry for 3 of em..hope their laptop will be okay soon..
well, i must continue with my project again!

you devastate me.
November 3, 2008 ·

i thought for a second, “this is silly and its not supposed to be like this”
simple thing leads to bigger and bigger problem
i wonder what have i done or what i have not done that makes everything become like this
i ask myself, how could i be so blind
i didn’t see it coming
i didn’t see it occuring
and now i am devastated
i am broken
i am shattered
moreover i am spoiled
spoiled just like i let the glass falls and breaks into pieces
that’s just how my heart feels like right now
i am in pain and i am not okay
why should have you done this to me
i purposely admitted that i was wrong
i hope somehow you realize that you are hurting me so much
but i guess you don’t know and you never will
i feel this pain alone and i will enjoy it alone too
i crawled to the darkest corner so you won’t see me
i hid there so you won’t see my tears fall everytime i close my eyes
my question is, will you ever find me?
or should i hide here forever without you knowing that the pain is growing stronger?

hal bodoh untuk ke sekian kalinya.. tp x ini ajak2 teman :) (whattt a smart me!)
October 19, 2008 ·

kemaren..
iya kemaren..
18.10.08
gue sama yuan siang2 karokean..
pulang karoke, entah kenapa jiwa keolahragaan gue membara…
gue pengen BERENANG!
ya, berenang..
hehe…
abis gue bujuk2 dengan segala rayuan pulau kelapa dan tatapan buaya darat..
akhirnya yuan mau..
so kita pulang dulu n siap2in segalanya…
abis itu…
jangan salah..
disini kolam renang tidaklah seindah yang kauw bayangkan…
SUSAH!
cari kolam renang seperti layaknya di tangerang itu susah….
disini tuh kolam renang emg murah masuknya..
tp karena itu, jadinya menjijikan..
penuh dengan umat manusia…
(jangan pikir karena singapur, so smuanya bersih bla bla bla…)
untuk mencari kolam renang terdekat, kita mengandalkan the power of internet!
jadi kita buka internet, cari forum dsb ttg public swimming complex(namanya gini, aneh emg… swimming pool aja gampang kok..)
abis itu nemu 1 forum ada list kolam2 renang di beberapa daerah.
namun sayang saat gue membaca 1 thread, tepatnya sih 1 comment reply..
disebutkan disitu bahwa sejatinya, tak ada kolam renang di singapur yg benar2 bersih, dan ditegaskan disitu klo ada dia punya uncle, berenang di tempat X(lupa namanya..) abis itu si unclenya itu lagi berenang, tiba2 liat sesuatu yg mengambang..
yang jelas pasti adalah ***!
yaaa… EEX! haha..
eex ngambang..
idihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
seketika duniaku runtuh..(HALAH)
seketikaaaa sajaa niat membara semangat jiwa keolahragaanku untuk berenang musnahlahh sudah!
huahahuhaua…
lalu berenang dibatalkan…
saat itu gue berpikir mau jogging..
tp jogging, hmmmm….
pertama.. sepatu gue yg running shoes itu sudah direlakan, karena nyokap gue seenaknya tanpa bilang2 kasihin sepatu itu untuk sumbangan alesannya karena ga pernah liat gue pake lagi
(yaiyaaalaaah maaa.. kapaan olahragaaa, bangun saja pagi2 ku tak sangguuuppp! tapi kan jangan ironik gituu dong buang2 spatuuunyaa… itu kan limited editionnn! HUHUUHUHU.. kejemm)
okay skip tht sad memory.. okay itu pertama..
kedua…
ya, malas..
hahaha..
gue malassss!
tapi entah kenapa jiwa olahraga gue tetap bergejolak teriak2 dalam kepala “ayo mel olahraga mel ayooo!”
akhirnya gue ada ide jenius…
gue inget tuh…
pas anter vin ke airport maren ni naek taxi dr tmpt gue, di perjalanan gue liat ada deretan toko, makanan, ada pija hut..
gue pengen reminiscing ceritanya…
gue ajaklah yuan dengan iming2..
“yuan, ada pizza hut loh deket sini…..”
dan YEAYYYYYY!
dia pun tertarik dan kita mulai jalan…
ya, gue dengan seperangkat baju tadi bekas karoke masih menempel 1 helai, pake jaket, pake legging saja.. pake sendal jepit (bukan yg bentuk swallow kok… hehhee..) sama bawa 1 hp, 1 dompet, kunci rumah.. cepol rambut seadanya..
dan yuan masih pake baju tadi pegi, minus pake sendal jepit bentuk swallow, bawa hp ma dompet…
derr kita jalan…
pikir sih cm jalan2 bentar liat pija hut trs pulang, mam di rumah, ngirit dong..
hauhua…
trus kita jalan menusuri trotoar..
mencari dimanakah letak pija hut itu…
jalan
jalan
jalan
jalan
jalan
jalan
teruuuuuuus jalan..
sampe jauhhhhhhhhh bgt…
dan DHUEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!
gue polos aja ngomong “kok ga ada yah pija hutnya?”
HAUHAUAHUAHUAUA…..
kita jalan jauh bgt..
sampe mendekati mrt berikutnya..
(tempat kita tuh d mrt boon keng)
kita jalan sampe nemu mrt potong pasir..
hauhahau..
tetep ga ada pija hut loh!
gue keki sendiri dalam hati…
sampe pada kesimpulan..
KITA LAPAAAR….
akhirnya kita mikir2, berdiskusi..
“kemanaaa yaaa”
ampe kita putuskan CLARKE QUAY!
(yaoloh clarke quay)
wkkwkwkw…
yep…
bayangkan dengan baju begitu, gue tekankan, SENDAL JEPIT
kita naek mrt ke clarke quay n mam ramen disana..
hahhaa..
alhasil, mau ngirit mala makan mahal sekalian…
hauhauhauhauauhauhua………………………………..
saat sampe di mrt potong pasir, gue baru ngeh..
betapa bodohnya yuan..
(gue sih sadar diri gue bodoh.. tapi lebih bodoh yg dibodohin orang bodoh kan?)muahahahahahhaha…
P.S.: maap ya yuan, gue kan gatau klo pija hutnya raib gitu aja, waktu naek taxi gue liat kok beneran… tapi kok ga ada ya…
hauhauhauhauha…

i ask God to take away this pain, then He fulfilled it.. in different way..
October 13, 2008 ·

i ask Him to take away my pain away
i expected that He will give me a miracle in some way that will enlighten my feeling
but i was wrong..
i know this is one of His plans…
He did take away my pain..
but now i am numb..
numb in a way that i barely feel my heart beats
i barely feel anything
i wish this was just a dream
a merely bad dream
that when i wake up tomorrow
i could feel as usual
i could feel him as usual
God, help me go through this..
Thy will be done……..
hold me close when You’re about to break my heart…
but grant me patience to go through this relationship when it’s about time to move on…….

sometimes loving you needs more faith than i already have.
October 12, 2008 ·

if love is merely just about appearances and looks….
then tell me what do you call the feel that i feel for you right now?
tell me that i am naive..
tell me that i am blinded by love
but to me, love is not merely just about appearances and looks
how can you love someone when you judge that person by her/his outside appearance?
how can love that you feel when you love what’s on outside, not the inside?
how can you put a stamp on someone only from what you see from her/his?
isn’t it too easy to judge people by their looks?
when you think deeply and more…
that you, yourself is more than just your appearance, more than just your body?
you are what’s inside you
you are beneath your appearance
you are the soul
even soul doesn’t have looks and appearance
it’s what fills your physical body…
then if you think about that, how come it’s so easy to demanding someone else to change their appearance?
when you love someone, then love that person for who she/he is..
if you don’t like some of her/his features, why bother to love that person?
so who’s more naive now?
i really don’t understand why some people easily say that they don’t like other just because she/he lacks of this or that, or too much this or that……

my alien landlord.
October 10, 2008 ·

pernah ngekost, tapi ibu kostnya makin lama semakin menggila dengan keedanannya?
that’s what happening to me…
ibu kost gue dari awal gue disini, manis2 banget..
kek kembang gula digulain lagi…
abis itu makin lama, gue ga ngerti napa attitudenya makin banyak problemnya…
ive no idea, it’s whether she’s money oriented, or maybe she did travel to the outter space then kidnapped by the alien, so that she’s able to change to be both an alien n a human now…
wkwkwkwkwkkwkwkw……
tapi perubahannya drastis..
sekarang dia jadi dingin..
(okay, gue hiperbola sedikit)
wkwkwk..
tapi sekarang dia kejam, dia mata duitan bgt..
huhuhh..
im starting to be dissapointed by her time by time..
mule dari dulu tiap gue balik sini dia ga sdiain kamar gue..
ato dia kontrakkin kamar gue ke org laen pas gue liburan padahal gue bayar full saat itu…
ada lagi waktu obat ma cable printer gue ilank dia gamau responsible for it..
padahal obat itu penting banget..
dan gue finally harus beli adaptor printer gue seharga $175 padahal itu bukan salah gue sama sekali……
trus ada lagi waktu gue uda stay sama yuan disini, dia makin menjadi, naekkin harga kost ga kira2…
uda gitu kamar selalu ga ada wkt gue balik, alesannya gue ga kasih dia kabar..
padahal jelas2 gue wkt mau balik indo sms dia, kasih tanggal gue balik..
still she doesnt want to be the one to blame…
crazyy sia!
tapi peaknya akhir2 ini…
waktu tgl 29 september kemaren (gue biasa bayar kost tiap tgl 20)
dia tiba2 panggil gue..
bilang kapan gue bisa bayar kost, dia bilang gue uda telat 1/2 bulan..
(klo dia bisa ngitung, itu baru telat 9 hari)
abis itu dia bilang klo bisa besok bayar…
(gila, dia pikir gue dengan gampang kluarin duit dr saldo bank gue! walo gue tau itu buat kost gue, at least give me time to talk to my parents dong dong dong)
abis itu, what i did was i didnt pay the next day..
huahaua….
with many excuses(as she always gives me….)
gue baru bayar hari ini..
wkwkw..
dulu ibu kost gue ga gituuu..
ive been staying here for 2 years n more..
this is the first time she seems so afraid tht i wont pay for the rent fee..
maksudnya apa coba?
previously she promised me to find me another room(she forced me to move to this new building, as an excuse that she didnt have any room for me in the old building)
then now im stuck here…
though im starting to enjoy here..
but still..
it’s very dissapointing to face the fact that she is so irresponsible in taking care of her duty as a landlord..
even juz now i wanted to pay the rent fee..
i went down there n she was busy with stuffs, didnt even say a single “sorry” that she kept me waiting there…
(it’s a matter of etiquette!)
well now im getting used to her…
(perhaps….)
im planning to move out from this hell soon…
well i hope i could find a better place somewhere…
huahauahuahuahhauhua…..
n btw, she fought with person when i was there juz now..
when someone asked her what happen, she simply said it was not her fault that the person she fought with doesnt get the room here in this building..
it’s because other’s fault…
from what i get is that she is the kind of selfish person who doesnt want to get blame….
its a pity coz i lost my respect already…..
im so damn dissapointed..

untitled.
October 8, 2008 ·

I stare at those white roses
and they remind me of you..
I see that they’re suffering to survive and keep alive,
as I survive til the day I see you again
It’s not that long but a day feels like a year
I ensure myself that we are going to be alright
But I miss you and moments we share together
The smell of you is fading away
The presence of you starts to disappear
Is there any way that I can do to keep them with me, here?
I wish I could touch you again just like I did 4 days back
I wish I could hug and hold you close like I did those times
I hold your clothes and I say to myself,this is not okay
Though I pretend to be
I know I won’t be able to be okay when you’re not around……..

if you didn’t love me…
October 7, 2008 ·

If every drop of water disappeared from the land
kalau setiap tetes air lenyap
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
dan setiap tetes dari lautan berubah menjadi pasir
That would all be nothing
semua itu tidak akan ada apa-apanya
Compared to what I’d feel
dibandingkan dengan apa yang akan aku rasakan
If you didn’t love me
kalau kamu tidak mencintai aku…
What if I woke up and couldn’t hear a sound
bagaimana kalau saat aku bangun dan aku tak dapat mendengar apapun?
And all that I could see was darkness all around
dan yang kulihat hanyalah kegelapan semata?
That would all be nothing
semua itu tidak akan ada apa-apanya
Compared to what I’d feel
dibandingkan dengan perasaanku
If you didn’t love me
kalau kamu tidak mencintaiku…
If I could have the world and all that money could buy
kalau aku bisa memiliki dunia dan semua yang bisa kubeli dengan uang
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the sky
dan aku bisa bertamasya ke bulan dan langit
If they gave me golden wings, well I still couldn’t fly
kalau saja aku punya sayap emas, walau aku tetap tidak bisa terbang
without you, nothing would matter
tanpamu, semua tak akan berarti apapun untukku…
You and I walk beside each other day after day
kita berdua jalan bersebelahan hari demi hari
But there’s so much inside me, I never get to say
namun terlalu banyak yang tak sempat kusampaikan, kuucapkan…
My life would be so empty with nothing left to feel
hidupku akan menjadi sangat hampa tanpa kumerasakan apapun
If you didn’t love me
kalau kamu tidak mencintaiku
If you didn’t love me
ya, jika kamu tidak mencintaiku…


.corrinne may - if you didn't love me.

why there is such thing as goodbye?
October 4, 2008 · Filed under me · Edit
terlalu banyak yang tertinggal dari sejak kamu disini..
setiap jalan yang pernah kita lewatin, jadi kenangan buat aku
jalan yang dulu nampak biasa, jadi tampak luar biasa waktu aku liat sekarang, waktu aku laluin sekarang
tiap inci dari jalan, dari langkah kaki aku menusuri jalan-jalan itu
semua tampak nyata, semua serasa kamu ada di samping aku seperti 9 hari kemarin..
tempat-tempat dimana kita datang
tempat dimana kita kunjungin, smua terlalu indah buat aku
aku bahagia, tapi aku juga merasa sesak
seakan ada lubang besar menganga di dalam hati aku..
aku kehilangan kamu….
ga akan pernah ada kata yang tepat buat jelasin rasa ini
rasanya sakit, lega, senang, bahagia, sedih, semua jadi satu…..
tempat dimana aku duduk ini, ingetin aku sama kamu
ingetin apa yang kita bicarain disini..
di kamar tempat aku tidur, punya kenangan sendiri
tempat tidur yang pernah kamu tidurin pun jadi kenangan buat aku…
baju kamu yang ada disini..
your smell still lingers there…
dan buat aku pengen simpen itu sampai aku bisa ketemu kamu lagi…
sampai aku bisa ketemu orang yang aku sayang lagi..
anduk aku yang kamu pinjem, ga bisa aku cuci, aku mau terus simpen itu…
baju yang tadi aku pake waktu anter kamu ke airport, belom aku taruh tempat cucian..
aku pengen simpen juga…
karena pake baju itu aku peluk kamu, aku rangkul kamu, aku jalan bareng kamu, aku nangis di bahu kamu…
semuanya begitu berarti…
tiap aku jalan ke dapur, ke kamar mandi, keluar kamar
semuanya ingetin aku sama kamu
shower di kamar mandi yang tadi kamu pakai belum aku ganti tipenya..
aku benci kalau showernya begitu, tapi waktu tadi aku mandi, aku ga benci lagi..
aku mau biarin itu seperti itu aja…
aku ga akan ubah…
walau aku tau nanti aku akan, pasti ketemu kamu lagi..
tapi tetep, ada yang hilang dari hidup aku..
9 hari lalu aku bener-bener ngerasa hidup..
tapi sekarang, aku lagi-lagi seakan cuma tinggal sementara disini…
dan aku nunggu saat aku pulang..
pulang ke rumah..
pulang ke tempat dimana ada kamu…
pulang untuk ketemu kamu..
aku kangen banget sama kamu…
sangat kangen….

childhood memories.
September 25, 2008 ·

hari ini ketemu stanley seperti biasa, nongkrong di coffee club..
its been few days we havent met..
hehhee…
tadi ketemuan…
tiba2 aja ngomongin ttg masa2 sd, smp, sma..
hahaha…
inget gaa sih jaman2 sd dulu….
cupu2 gajelas..
dari jaman ikutan lomba 17an di sekolah..
haha..
nangkep belut lah, tarik tambang, balap karung, makan kerupuk..
*oh i miss those times! ;)*
trus jaman2nya bisa nyontek..
coba 1001 macam cara..
dari masukin contekan ke pulpen, masukin ke tmpt pensil, taro di rok lah, paha lah..
ahhaha..
trus sampe jaman2nya porno2an booming abis…
smua ngumpul rame2 buat liatin yg mesum2..
hihi..
sebar2 komik hentai ke satu kelas ke kelas laen, baca pas pelajaran..
jaman2nya aib smuaa..
hahahahah…
trus inget banget gue dulu suka ngerjain guru2, ngerjain temen2..
oh i rili want to laugh at those times..
hahahahha…
trs apalagi ya??
ohya..
jaman pramuka tuhhh..
ahaha…
inget ga sih anthemnya pramuka?
hahahaha….
kami pramuka indonesia, manusia pancasila
satyaku kudharmakan, dharmaku kubaktikan
agar jaya indonesia, indonesia tanah airku
kami jadi pandumu
haha…
gue kangeeeen juga tuh jambore..
asik banget bisa nginep bareng temen2 satu sekolah gituu..
gajelas pasti tiap mau tidur, kita pura2 tidur pas guru2 lewat meriksa..
abis itu cekikikan cerita2 sampe akhirnya ketiduran..
macem2 juga model tidurnya..
ada yg acak2an..
ada yg nendang2in temen sebelahnya…
ada yang ketendang..
ada yg bangun2 nyium kaki lah..
ada yang kentut lah..
hahaha….
seru bangettttt!!!!!!!!!
trus gue juga inget jaman2nya olahraga tuh..
(pelajaran fave gue banget!)
smp tuh..
apa2an kali pake senam poco2(mentang2 wkt itu poco2 terkenal banget, sampe masuk tipi,.. yaoloh.. wkwkwkwk..)
dulu sampe sempet di tes deh tuh poco2..
untung aja gue jago..
haha..
trs sd, pasti tiap berapa minggu senam skj..
gue dulu kok bisa2nya gatau malu yee bisa mimpin senam di depan smua org..
hihihii..
skrg klo dipikir2 gue kecil ebat bener…
wkwkkw..
trs upacaraaa tuh!
gue paling males upacara..
jaman sd gue diuber2 guru gr2 selalu pake sepatu warna laen(malah kadang warna putih) hahaha!
trus dulu curangnya gue, gue ikut dokter kecil, jadi klo upacara bole ngadem di uks..
YIPEEE..
hahaha….
trs smp, gue sering ngumpet2 ma minjem dasi/topi temen..
hihi…..
ato sma, pura2 aja pingsan kek..
hahahaha…….
fun bangetttt..
n i really miss those times sometimes..
:D
klo dulu smua yang bikin susah, bikin marah, bikin keki, lucu2, konyol2..
skrg dipikir2 jadi ngangenin bgt…
pengen rasanya bisa balik ke masa2 itu….
:D

i know yet i act like its never happened before.
September 14, 2008 ·

i know sometimes loving you is the hardest thing to do
i know that loving someone like you is sometimes hard to do
i even know that you are you
but yet sometimes i feel so tired, so weary
i must have known that this is the path that i had chosen
this is something that i must go along and live with
but it’s just, im getting tired with all of these stuffs sometimes
it’s off and on.. off and on.. off and on….
maybe ive been doing too much
maybe because im easy, you take me for granted
maybe you just dont know how to treat me or show that you care
but this is me, this is who i am
who always try to make you happy
who always try to sacrifice anything for you
who always try to satisfy you
who always try to comfort you
i even cry with you when you’re sad
i laugh for you when you’re happy
i congratulate you when you’re the winner
i cheer you up when you’re sad
i hug you close when you cry
i apologize sometimes for no reason, just perhaps it makes your heart feel lighter
i always try to keep you up high in the sky, so i can watch you from the ground below you
i always stay awake to see you finally fall asleep, and realize that you’re gonna be just perfectly fine
i’d do anything for you, whatever you wish, whatever that’s on your mind, i always try to guess and do in advance
i always try to surprise you with little thing i can do
but why?
why is it sometimes hard for you to understand me?
to just comfort me when i am sad
i know that you want, it’s just you can’t, isn’t it?
i always hope that you would have called me when i am really in pain and say “it’s gonna be just fine.. im here with you”
i always bear in mind that maybe someday you’ll change
i sometimes hope that you take a step further and show how much you care about me, how much you love me
or even a phone call, just to say that you love me..
or just ask, “how are you and hows ur day?”
it would be just fine with me..
its really fine..
more than enough…
but i know it’s not you
it’s not what you usually do…
but still, sometimes i reach the point where i wish you were someone else
someone better than you..
but i dont want you to change
but i dont want if it wasnt you….
why loving you is so hard to do?
or is it just me who’s making it so hard?

ode to my good friends.
September 14, 2008 ·

They, who always there for me
comfort me
succor me
they, who i called friends
well, good friends…
good friends who always there for me whenever i need them
they who always know that i’m in my deepest pain
they who always know the right timing just to ask, “r u okay?”
they who know how to make me feel better
they who know when to keep silence n listen to me, to my cry
they who understand my silence…
i thank God for letting them in into my life
i thank God for letting me have such good friends…
i thank God for a little happiness in my pain
it always feel so good to know that i always have them to cheer me up, to comfort me and to make me feel that i am worthy and know that i am not alone……

colors.
September 8, 2008 ·

i see bright colors when i’m happy
i see black when i’m mad
i see the brightest red when i’m angry
i see white when i’m alone
i’m colorblind when i’m in love
i see colorful world when i realise that i’m alive
but i see nothing when i’m sad
because tears are falling from my eyes……..

no i didnt shed a tear, coz its falling too fast, my dear.
September 6, 2008 ·

it’s only just 30 minutes until 12.00 am
it’s only juz few minutes til the new day
the day, where we, you and i, 458 days back then, met, and promised to each other that we would never be apart
no matter what,
no matter how difficult the task would be
no matter how many obstacles we would face in the future
then suddenly everything is changed
why do you have become someone that i don’t recognize?
why do you have to shattered my happiness into pieces?
am i not worth enough for you?
im starting to question, what am i to you?
i know this and am sure is not a goodbye
and i know this is not the end of our story
but yet, it’s painful, dear..
it’s hurting me
no, i’m not crying a single tear
and no, i’m not even holding a tear from falling to my cheeks
i’m just seeing them falling as fast as you left me behind
as fast as you abandoned me without saying anything
what have i done that makes you changed?
what have i not done that makes you dissapointed?
that makes you not you?
but, my dear, you know what?
no matter how hurt it is
no matter how small my heart torn into pieces
no matter how loud i scream i hate you
no matter how cold the way i talk to you
you will always know that i will always love you…
happy anniversary, my dear….

07.09.08 - 12.00am

hal-hal tidak lumrah..
August 11, 2008 ·

pernah ga punya kesukaan sama hal2 yg dianggap orang laen ga penting dan biasa aja?
tapi buat kita keknya it’s sumthin special?
atau buat kita itu layak dinikmatin?
i do have!
banyak org bilang kadang gue aneh suka hal2 begituan..
tapi gimana dong, udah suka dari sananya! hahahahahahahaha…
well maybe turunan juga loh..
karena dr some of the list, are my mom’s fave too!
here are some of my fave-weird-things:
1. smell of leaves in the morning
2. smell of gasoline
3. smell of wet soil
4. smell of him (AHAHAHAHA.. incl bau keringetnya juga suka kok! ;P)
5. smell of aircon when we first turn it on
6. butterflies(they’re all amazing!! im a big fan of em! ahahaha..)
7. all white flowers
8. green tea(anything made of green tea, it tastes good!)
9. clouds with shapes
10. sound of waves
11. the beach itself
12. green colours
13. full moon
14. stars
15. night time(i have no idea why night time always give me certain moods)
16. the colour of the sky in the afternoon
17. fluffy stuffs surface(maybe that’s why i love rubbing my teddy bear’s tummy! hahahaha..)
18. when my hair being stroked(it makes me sleepy! :D)
19. hunting for 4 leaves clover!
20. sound of running water
apaa ada yg punya kesamaan juga seperti gue?
hehehehehehee…..

can you feel me in?
July 18, 2008 ·

you ignore me and turn your back at me, im fine with it
i talk to you but you never listen to me, im still fine with it
you never see me as something special in your eyes, im also fine with it..
i forced myself to smile though my heart aches, im fine..
you ask my opinion but never really listen to it, i guess im fine
you act as if im invisible, i guess im just fine..
you stare at me, but i don’t see myself in your eyes
you touch me but i dont feel anything, not like it used to be..
you said it was just because it’s not the right timing..
i guess im fine..
i tell you that i love you, but you stand still..
i hold my tears
i put my head down
i let them drop
i shed them
you never see them…
yes, you never see them falling..
i turn to you, i forced myself to smile
i know i must be looked fake, but i dont care
coz i know you dont even care either…
last time you told me how much you love me…
i believed in you..
one day you act like you love me too much, that you wouldnt be able to leave me..
but the other day you treat me like im not worthy enough to be loved, like i dont even there..
tell me what do you feel about me?
tell me what should i do to make you treat me like those days when you love me too much….
i never ask you to provide me everything i want..
i never expect for 24 hours conversation..
i never ask for 7-day dating..
i never ask you to call me everyday..
i never ask you to sms me everytime..
i never ask you to treat me nice and sweet everytime we meet and date..
but dont make those as a reason for you to take things easily..
can you just feel me in just a little?
can you take a minute to try feel what i feel inside?
to be like me?
to find the reason behind my tears today?
to find why i hold my tears?
why i forced those smiles?

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