i am scared.

i can't sleep
or i don't want to sleep?

no matter what i do
i keep coming back to the core
the core where i feel like destroying myself into pieces so i would probably not be going to feel anything

i begin to hate myself
for being so weak
for being so lost in my personal mistranslation mind

im scared the most when i barely know what is going on
when i feel like im blind though i can see clearly
when i feel like im not going get through anything but in fact i havent started anything yet

im scared i lost in this battle right before it starts

im scared for being alone in this moment
moment of truth
truth i don't want to be revealed

or shall i say im scared to know the truth?

but it does not make any sense when i think about what am i afraid of

my eyes become so tired
too tired to be opened
but too afraid to be closed

darkness and silence are perfect combination for another mistranslation
and im completely fragile right now that i wish some people would understand

i want to pray but my will is too weak

shortcut i don't think is the best way to solve everything

i guess i have to wait for thursday afternoon
hope the truth will cease of all pains and worries instead of creating a new vacuum of mind of mine