beautiful chaos

little paws

so it started sunday afternoon
when my cousins brought the two little puppies to my house
basically i was asked by my aunt to take care of the puppies for a week since she is away and she would take the puppies home with her once she comes back

but apparently i am in love with the puppies
i am in love too much
maybe because i love the way they trusted me with all my loves and affections

maybe that was the feeling of having own children

no words to describe how i feel everytime i wake up in the middle of every night to feed them, to put them to sleep, to accompany them playing
sleepy, obviously
tired, i am
fatigue is all i am having every single day

but it seemed like i always had spirit and energy to keep moving on and doing many things with them
watching them playing is heaven for me

call me crazy
but i love them so much
so much

until last saturday they were taken away
and i cried like hell
i cried because my heart was torn apart
because i was broken hearted
i felt the loss
i felt the pain
i was hurt

i once told a friend of mine
that when we are losing someone we love the most,
we basically do not miss their presence or their touch or whatsoever
it is the memory that we miss
that we realize there is no other way we could experience the same memories again with the same person
and it is hurting so bad
that it seems like we miss them, miss the presence
but do we really miss the presence or merely the memory?

really, you can forget someone
but a memory will exist forever
and that's why pain takes part

this is Heidi

and this is Furball, my beloved one

the situation in my house was like super chaos by the time the puppies arrived
my older dog, the dachshund was humping the puppies all the time for almost a week
and he was super cranky with my younger dog, the golden retriever

horrible!

my dachshund was injured, his legs were badly injured, swollen, and minor cut and bleeding because he was forced to stay outside for the first night and apparently he was not sleeping at all
he kept scratching the doors (even the iron gate)
and howling all night long

result: entire house could not sleep well that night

then the next morning he could enter the house but of course he still refused to eat, drink, and sleep all day long
and i know exactly he was exhausted
his eyes were red
his nose and mouth were swollen as well as the legs

and by that time i had to take care 4 dogs everyday
i barely went out

i was totally exhausted

but in the night time things got worse
but it was where sweet moments were happened

apparently puppies were more active in night time compared to day time where they slept all day long

every night, i had to wake up every 2-4 hours
to feed them, let them play, peed, poo, and accompanied them until they fell asleep (again)
it went on and on and on

and then my golden retriever had to suffer from my cranky old dog
he had to stay either upstairs or backyard all day long
pity him ):

and he had trouble eating problem as well because i think he was stressed over the issue
moreover he was still under medication due to his food allergy and hotspot problems.

it was stressful and hectic
but i enjoyed every second of it
and i am grateful He gave me chance to use me as tool to give love for the puppies

these puppies are smart!
yes they are

they are quick learners and easily trained
if i could
if i had chance to do the training for them
i would die to do it!!!!!

one thing i hope the most is hopefully they will still remember and recognize me when i visit them one day, hopefully soon (:
and hopefully i won't cry when i say goodbye again

i miss feeding them, preparing meal for them )':

what i concern the most is whether they will be taken care as i did for them?
will they be healthy all the way?
i do hope so
i pray every night just to make sure God never stops protecting them and care for them
i love them God, please take care of them
that's all i'm asking for.

xoxo furball&heidi

i miss you baby girls~