Bad Relationship.

Most of the time I find myself questioning the idea of "why the hell people bother............"
Bothering in many different ways.
Like, love life, LIFE itself, basically almost everything.
Some people say that people bother because they care. Really?
I thought people bother because they are just basically NOSY.
People are so phony that they just want to know every little detail just to make sure they run their mouths about it.
You see, it's human basic nature to KNOW about everything, to be CURIOUS about everything.
But what happens in my life recently, is actually people trying to step into my life without considering whether it's affecting me or not, whether they understand or not.
It doesn't matter to them if they do not understand the idea or what it feels like, what matters the most is that they acknowledge something that is required - in which i really have no idea why people are so eager to find out about other's life.
Seriously, I don't really care if one get married, have baby, get divorced, and re-married.
Most people find it daunting or revolting, but really?
How do you see it?
Do you see it from YOUR life point of view - in which throughout your life you have never experienced anything close to that kind of shit?
OR
Do you see it from the way you try to empathize or pity that particular person?
EITHER way won't work.
Because the idea of YOU, trying to empathize is just not enough, not even close.
There is a big difference in experiencing the actual shit and just trying to embrace and put yourself in that situation.
No matter how sensitive you are, you just can't.
In the end what you would actually give is mere pity and casual sympathy.

Simplest example, when people find out you break up with somebody, the first question pops up is: HOW COME?
seriously? "How come" is like you stab someone's flesh and ask "how does it feel?"
IT IS OBVIOUS that something happened.
The next question after answering that first silly question is: WHO BROKE WHO?
This is tricky.
When a girl breaks up with a boy, people will see either this girl is seeing somebody else or the boy is a jerk so she breaks up with him.
Can't there be any other possibilities?
Possibility #1: she is a jerk and he is a victim.
Possibility #2: he is a jerk and she is too. So it is equal.
Possibility #3: false alarm. They thought they were meant to be but appeared not in the end.
Possibility #4: both decision because they are smart enough to stop stupid relationship that has no future.
Possibility #5: she's fed up with ever-changing-no-future-situation that makes her waste her time or vice versa.
and millions other possibilities that I am too lazy to wander around.

But then the next question or statement, or anything that will pop up is: WHY CAN'T YOU WORK THINGS OUT? CAN'T THERE BE ANOTHER CHANCE FOR YOU TWO TO GET BACK TOGETHER?

It's like coming back to the first question ever. Like it's not clear enough why two break up in the first place.
It's like asking "is it painful?" when you sprinkle salt into open wound.

What happened to me is that people find out I broke him up and they start to question "why did i do that", "what happened during the last 5 years?", "can't you work things out?", "how does it make him feel?", "do you still love him?", "does he feel okay about it?" and so on.

But is it fulfilling their needs if i answer all of those questions?
No.
Not a slight chance.
They will keep asking me questions and giving me statements which make me want to rip my heart out and smack it into their faces. (sarcasm alert)

The worst statement that still lingers in my brain is when one person said: You mistreated him badly.
ME?
Right, of course it's me.
I'm the one who broke him up.
I'm the one who is seeing another man.
and I'm the bad guy.

But then do I care?
*laughing like hyena*
Nope.
I only care when people say things when they even forget to put their brains on.
It's merely stupid statement that I find very intriguing to discuss.

People can be so offensive, so why can't I?

Who went through the last 5 years?
Who felt every littlest detail for the last 5 years?
Who knew how difficult it was to figure every way out?
Who understood the feeling of being in that relationship?

Do I waste my time? NO.
I don't think the last 5 years all I did was wasting my time.
He once made me fall head over heels.
He once showed me how to laugh and cry.
It's fair enough I spent the last 5 years to understand what kind of relationship I really want.
It's worth this understanding, what I want and what I don't want.
It made me stronger and wiser.
And what makes me extremely thankful is how it made me finally found someone who can fulfill those empty gaps throughout the past few years.

Bad relationship makes you understand what good relationship feels like.
Bad relationship makes you understand that you are strong enough to stand on your on feet.
Bad relationship shows that there is a better person out there.
Bad relationship shows that you are more than capable of getting closer to the perfect one.
Bad relationship shows how awesome your ability to survive is.
Bad relationship makes you learn that tears are only for those who worth it.
Bad relationship makes you learn that you are not alone who goes through hell.
But most important things is that, bad relationship is a mere stepping stones to happily ever after (:

Lingering with impossibility.

I just want someone who i can call on my own.
Who is crazily enough just to stay awake with me all night.
Who is strong enough, to just constantly and patiently hugging me all night long, giving me affection, loving me without expecting me to do the same.
I want someone who knows me too well, even he knows what i am about to say before i do say it.
I want someone who is willingly wait and smile outside my house during pouring rain just to see me.
I want someone who thinks everyday is like the last chance for him to see me, to be with me. So that he never gets tired loving me.
I want someone who doesn't acknowledge the word "tired", "sleepy", "sick".
I want someone who always adores me even there are so many beautiful girls before me.
I want someone who always looks in me in the eyes each time he sees me, with that exact same sparkle in his eyes.
I want someone who never gets tired to bear with my stupidity, stubbornness, and emotions.
I want someone who knows that i am madly in love with him and always smiles whenever he remembers that.
I want someone who holds me in his arms whenever i am about to run away.
I want someone who pull me closer whenever i walk away.
I want someone who sits silently beside me whenever i don't feel like talking at all. And then he smiles at me and loves me with his soothing eyes, tells me "everything is gonna be alright"
I want someone who is not afraid to touch me even when i am mad. Really mad.
I want someone who knows exactly what he is doing, so surely, that he doesn't lose his direction to walk with me.
I want someone who understands the meaning behind my words.
I want someone who sings me lullaby every night and makes me smile, then closes my day by saying "goodnight, gorgeous. You are loved"
I want someone, who can show me, no, who loves me, with all his might with everything he does.
I don't have to question it.
I don't have to struggle with disbelieve or doubts.
I want someone who is, by just holding my hands, can tell his feelings.
I want someone who always wants me, without me saying it out loud.
I want someone who won't make me feel unwanted, not once.
I want someone who knows he is different and makes me feel it.
I want someone who stays awake just to see me, just to look at me, just to adore me, just to make me feel comfortable, at all cost.

But is it even possible?
Am i asking too much?
What if i just ask for love. No, ask for someone who makes me feel loved?
Is it possible then?

Do you, ever?

Do you ever wonder, how sometimes you wish there is such thing called phase one of love exists forever?

Phase one is where everything is beautiful and happy, where all goodness belongs, and there is no tear to be shed.

No arguments.

No fights.

No shouting at each other.

No headaches.

Nothing.

Some say that love takes its better state when two get into argument and solve things out. But really, is it necessary?

When all of those silly arguments happen, exactly at the time where everything is so comfortable, when two are in the most comfortable state.

What i see in my perspective is that comfort zone is such a big bullshit.

It's just a gate to something called "taking for granted".

It's just reason created to say that "hey now that i am fairly sure you'd stay and i am so damn comfortable with you, now i can take you for granted, now i can do things i have been struggled to resist lately" in other word, it's just reason for people to change but not be able to admit that they're changed and it's time when all goodness comes to an end.

That's why there is a saying: all good times come to an end.

But can we really have, create a relationship that stays in phase pne until forever?

I doubt it though.

Phase one.

Is those times when we begin as strangers, getting to know each other. No, we want to know each other so much that we listen to every single detail, and magically everything sticks to the mind. (What an amazing human brain ability)

Is those times, when everything the other person does is amazing, cute, adorable, magically beautiful, and so on. Whatever it is, pretty in the eyes and thought. Which, later on suddenly disappear or even there is a probability of getting high and dry.

Is those times when arguments seem so far far away, like almost unreachable (no, it really is deceiving) 

Is those times when you stay up late, really late just to hear their voices.

Just to understand even more, just to bear with it, just to embrace all happiness just by doing so.

Crazy until morning telephone calls, laughing all night long, giggling, amazed, wondering how lovable that person is.

Which one day will all be disappeared. As if that thing never exists in the first place.

Is those times when every text message is like letter from heaven. Can easily be enlightening a super tough shitty day.

Is those times when everything is being done just to see their faces, just to meet them, just to be with them. 

It's like you're being zombie; you don't feel sleepiness, don't feel sickness, don't feel fatigue, don't need sleep, eat, or even tired means nothing at all. It's like everyday is the last day of getting a chance to see them.

Make a very good use of each day!

Which one day will definitely become boredom, routine, and just a compulsory needs. (Yeah... Tiring. I know)

Is those times when every love songs mean everything, mean a lot, and mean the world of our own. You don't even need a radio, those love songs rewinding continuously in your head. (An amazing brain ability, once again)

Is those times when hugging is addicting.

Is those times when all sweet words dancing around.

Is those times when you don't remember that there are millions of other people exist. World belongs to both of you.

Is those times when there is no ego or selfishness. As if both of you are saints. Pure and need no earthy needs. What an angel!

Is those times when waiting is the hardest thing to do, oh yeah you hate ticking clock! It only reminds you of how long you really have to wait until the next time you get to see the other person. Oh yes, i know how devastating it could be. Ad how awful it makes you.

Is those times when "i love you" is the best 3 words in the world. It's like alien language that you become amazed whenever you hear or say it. You can't stop smiling about it.

Is those times when there is only BOTH OF US.

Ever wondered where did all of those goodness go?

Is there a really bad monster that eats all of those goodness?

And when you try to recreate it, you wonder why it doesn't feel the same, why doesn't it feel right?

Because the two of you are no longer the same persons you used to be.

And you begin to hate the changes.

You begin to think, where is this person i loved the most?

Why do you stop trying?

Wondering do you still love me?

Wondering is the love getting lesser?

Is there such thing as losing the feeling you used to have?

I mean is it possible?

Is it true that love can disappear slowly, or is it never really that strong in the beginning?

Is everything you felt in phase one merely illusions?

Is everything ever coming back?

Will you ever feel those goodness again?

Love never is complicated. People are.