timeless time.

it's kinda weird whenever i think that, you know, friends last forever?
but do they?
i mean, how should i put this......

it's like now, for example.
i graduated from school, ready to embrace so-called "earning and experiencing REAL life", life becomes so dull
it feels like i've been losing so many friends along the way, along the journey
well not literary.
but it just feels like it?
I wonder if it's like this for every person or is it just me?

some of my buddies are busy with school, some are busy with work, some are busy i don't know what they're doing, some are just disappeared.
weird isn't it?

how back then we used to hang out together because we were bounded by certain common.
for example, first year of uni, we spent our times together because we wanted to share our stories and experiences in our different places.
we were bounded by it.

and now some are still in school, some are just graduated, some are working, and some are just plain jobless-busyless (yea my own word) like me HAHAHAHAHHAHA
now it feels like i laugh pathetically bout myself for being busyless.
geez

and now life feels so dull, well not fully dull, but it's just dull.
dull in a way that i can't just call a friend and ask them to hang out with me right away, i mean i should at least "book" them couple days/weeks/months prior to the event wth.
then other thing is that, i myself is free all the time, but not with the rest of my friends

and now i spent 4 years abroad, away from almost every friend i have - let's say i was "isolated" in a way that i separated from them whom i usually befriend with - and now i am back to my hometown, it feels like i'm some kind of alien

i barely know what's happening here
what's happening with my friends, my best friends
i feel like i am totally alienated by...........myself?????
):

yes i'm writing this as a form of protest, but whom am i protesting?
what am i protesting?
while along the journey i was alone - with new buddies abroad - whom i don't find them here in my hometown, none of them are here
so who am i shouting at?
nobody.
i simply shouting in my own mind, silently.

almost frustrated, no-not yet.
almost gone mad, i don't think i'm capable of.
angry, no don't think so.
sad, probably.
pathetic about myself, begin to.

i literary want to scratch wall due to this madness..... well i probably should do that, hoping that it'd ease the anxiety HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

maybe i simply am lonely ):
maybe i simply miss my friends, my best friends the most
maybe i simply miss hanging out with people who used to be there for me
maybe i simply am losing the presence of friendship
maybe i simply want to share laughter again
maybe i just want to laugh happily with them again

and maybe, i should stop being so pathetic bout myself
maybe i should go watch the last airbender tonight, yes maybe.......
maybe i should do things i want to do now, put aside these weird feelings
keep it until i meet my best friend, one by one i would love to knock their head with my knuckles and tell them how cruel and mean and bad they are right now to me! ):