Monday, April 20, 2015


I believe that whatever someone feels, somewhere in another part of the world,a person feels that exact feeling. It means you never feel alone.

But no matter what, when you cry, you know you cry by yourself.
And all of sudden you feel so lonely and as if the world is sinking.

You feel like you have done all you could to make someone happy.
You changed your worst to the best you could, at least better.
But you reach one point where you feel only bitterness.
Like all you've done means nothing.
And you don't even know what you have left to offer.

Have you ever felt so broken that you start wondering if your shattered heart could ever be whole again?
You feel alive but you're barely breathing, you're choking each time you remember a particular person or memory.

You feel the angst inside is raging, but there is nothing you can do.
You don't have reason to react.
You don't have the fuel to channel the feeling inside.
All you know is you're broken and you don't feel you don't deserve to be loved.
Even if you do, who is gonna love you the way you needed?

You begin to feel worthless, as if you have zero reason to be alive.
All the purposes you thought you were are all gone and you are left with hopeless feeling.
And it is not pleasant at all.

I don't know what about other people feel, but I always feel being left is always harder than to leave.
To leave, you have every reason to do it.
Either it's a decision, an anger, a bursting tears, a broken heart.
But to be left, you barely have choice.
The only option you got is to survive.
And even surviving is not easy when you feel you don't need one.

So many times I decide to hold my tongue, don't want to start another argument.
But I am so trained to speak every time I have something in mind and that's bothering me.
Sometimes I feel like the only thing I have to do is to suck things up.
It's easier to spill or do something and regret it and to say sorry afterwards, than to fix a broken person.
I sometimes wonder, how many times a person can be broken until they cannot handle and end up self-destroy?
How big a person's heart until they can no longer forgive and forget?
And how patience a person is until they can't handle one sided communication? As if they forget how to speak a language and lost their mind to get their feelings acrossed?

Then things seem so familiar, like you have been there before and it starts to scare you.
The what if's begin to creep in.
Have you ever felt a familiar broken hearted feeling?
Like you once felt that way, got through but now you begin to feel it again?
You're so scared you have to feel everything all over again?
When you remember it clearly you didn't do well at fixing yourself back then?
You start to wonder, are you even stronger now? Or weaker?
And you begin to question why does it always happen to you?
When all you ever wanted is just to be loved.