1189

I spend hours just to make sure I look beautiful or at least I might catch your heart again
Yet you never once told me that I am beautiful, though you could just lie

I often insist I would want to come along with you while you are doing your business, just to get myself close to you
Yet you never once realized

I always hope you could show in front of my door and carry dozen of white roses like you used to, I do try to give a clue
But I always end up telling you what to do
Yet you never do it for me

I most of the time say things I never meant to say
Yet you never learned and believed every single thing I say

I often say I don't want to see you again just because I want you to beg me not to, simply because I want to feel needed
Yet you always think I do want to not seeing you ever again and you get mad

I often hurt myself and tell you how painful the scar is just because I want you to stop mad at me and start care about me
Yet you think how stupid I am and how ridiculous my act is

I often beg you to always hold my hand whenever we walk together
Yet most of the time you just walk in front of me and leave me behind

I always hope you could be the first person wishing me happy birthday at exact 12am
Yet you failed all the time and said it is not something important


I never hear sweet things I long to hear
I never feel how much improved you are in sensing my feeling
I never thought you can finally say that I only pretend to love you all these time
I never thought you can finally leave me alone
I never thought you can finally stop caring about me

Yet I still cry after you
I think about you
And I wish you could just show up and hug me

Tell me if this isn't love

scratches on time being.

the roads are getting smaller

it's like a tiny little something yet unreachable

everything's breaking into mess

sky is getting nearer and nearer and nearer

when i am surrounded by clouds that's when i know

i could no longer hold back

i could not regret what i have said, done, or decided

next thing i know when i hit the ground

safely and sound

i know i cannot turn my head back

when nothing makes me feel good,

when nothing goes smooth

when everything goes wrong

i walk

and i walk

again

i walk

no matter if i walk away 

or if i walk through another door

or even walk out

i will simply walk

humor me.

humor me
i began to dry fastly

im so used to solitude
i barely hung on someone or anybody
no it's just not me

maybe in solitude i find peace
maybe i find serenity

or maybe i just skip troubles and being peacefully isolated

yet everytime i try to isolate myself from what's surrounding me
i begin to drown in deeper

i drag myself along the play
and i am devastated
alone.

the crowd is the beginning,
the starting point
so why do i always end up alone?

i wonder why.

i guess it's the nature.
we born alone, we die alone.
in the midst the crowd is there

misery,
it's killing me

i don't bother for anyone who is wanting to comfort me
the silence is not calming me anymore

the fear is creeping towards me
set me free
please
set me free